He told me "go write kyokie"

I am much to handle
When I need to bee handled
I am much to take in
But it's only cause you want to take me in
I'm a lot of things
That you can't understand right now
More like don't want to
But I love
And I love you
And you can have that also you in the face
Trip you up
Fuck up your world
But I need you to not ignore that
Cause
You're ignoring me
And you
And you know it

cleansing

old love
dead love
you don't care
how you are
or how you make me feel
you go out of your way
you say
the things that you can't ever take back
you go out of your way
to stay
as far away from me as you want
i do not want you
i do not care about you cause you are not my friend
or my love(r)
anymore
you don't even try to make it good or better
you allow things to go to shit
and you never show me love
to back up the meaningless words you say
- and i'm not mean
i'm honest
and calling you out on your bullshit
bullshit that falls from your mouth
like nothing
without thought or care or love
---
i'm angry cause you're such a disappointment
and i'm upset cause you wasted my time heart, love and care
if i knew you were a shitty person
and a shitty friend
i wouldn't have let you in to begin with
cause why should i care about you when you act the way you do to me
the hard part was holding on to something you are not now
the past you doesn't matter when the present you is shitty

i've been living life thinking that i loved you
but i don't love you now
and the new
is so much better
than any life involving you

there won't be any effort
to keep you around
cause i don't want to keep something that's just bad news.
no matter what you say
now or down the road
it doesn't matter anymore...
cause you don't matter anymore
the only reason i'm writing this is
for me
to dump
to let out
and let go
of anything having to do with you
i've let you weigh me down for much too long now
you are not going to change
you will never be any better
you will never be good for me or to me
who i thought you were and who i loved is not who you are now
you are not someone i want to love
you are gone
the idea of you is not you

it's a new day

It's better to burn out than fade away

I wish I could go back
But
At least
We can wipe the slate clean
And remember
This
Next time

No one knows

Unwanted
Lonely
Rejected
Judged
Not fitting in
Not belonging
I see the things I have
I love so much
But
Everything else
Is too much
Always been too much
I don't know what to do
I never did
And the less I know now
And the less you care
Who cares
Who really cares
I guess I did
But I know when it's time
For me to leave
This was not meant for someone like me

with a machete
Escape is impossible.
Fear has a new name

This is not the end even though it is the end of this

A flash
Light
Black
White out
Wipe it clean
Wash it away
Make like it was never there
But underneath new skin
And new life
Is old soul
And old tracks

I'll come again
In stone other place

With a different form
Again

And a different face
I transcend
Again
At every end

One two three four

My words fall far below the ground you stomp on
That is me
I see no reason to carry on
I see no reason to feel anything good
There is no love in my heart when it comes to you
I've been removed
Replaced
Reduced
You have made it clear
That I do not matter
I do not deserve a reply
You only respond when it suits you
Acting  like I revolve around you
Well I tried and now
I retire
You treat everyone else better
Than the way I can't even remember
But you'll remember this
And learn
When me and yesterday
Will never return
Not
Ever
Not again
Not next time
Not for you
No

The things that don't kill you make you stronger
And The things that kill you

Drive - The Cars

Who's gonna tell you when,
It's too late,
Who's gonna tell you things,
Aren't so great.

You can't go on, thinkin',
Nothings' wrong, but bye,
Who's gonna drive you home,
Tonight.?

Who's gonna pick you up,
When You fall?
Who's gonna hang it up,
When you call?

Who's gonna pay attention,
To your dreams?
And who's gonna plug their ears,
When you scream?

You can't go on, thinkin'
Nothings wrong, but bye,
(who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(who's gonna drive you home)

(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)

Who's gonna hold you down,
When you shake?
Who's gonna come around,
When you break?

You can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong, but bye,
(Who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(who's gonna drive you home)

Oh, you know you can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong,
(Who's gonna drive you)
(Who's gonna drive you home)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)

take your dirty hands off my mirror

sun shines
summer comes
again
it's been 3 years
and i don't feel a thing
like i should
like i could
take that thought
out of mind
and then we will all be fine
some day
some day
they say
after this
we will be fine
again

when we return
the sun sets
and day is done
like the body
of everyone
like the sun
will someday die
but you and i
and the moon
are never alone
are forever alive

going home
going home
we will know
when we get home
 

all i need

the things that i love
are here
and everything else
is either unknown
and about to happen
or not for me
not right now at least

kyoko in motion lol

Sick Of The Kyoko

Guess Who Taught Me About Kyoko

Kyoko Under The Sheets

Kyoko Is For Everyone

Exploring Kyoko

Game Of Kyoko

Putting An End To Kyoko

Kyoko Talked Me Out Of It

Kyoko Is Better Than Sex

Kyoko Implosion

Facing Kyoko

Kyoko Will Bring Us Together

The New Face Of Kyoko

Recovering From Kyoko

Strange Kyoko

Foxy Kyoko

Kyoko Is A Girl Called Wednesday

Kyoko On The Mind

Kyoko Party

The Beauty Of Kyoko

Broken Kyoko

Suped Up Kyoko

Unstoppable Kyoko

Introvert Kyoko

Supernatural Kyoko

My Wooden Kyoko

100mph Kyoko

So Much For The Kyoko

The Kyoko

Bright Kyoko

Jealous Kyoko

Rampant Kyoko

Kyoko Detox

Kyoko Is My Middle Name

War Of Kyoko

Kyoko Days

Staring At All This Kyoko

Kyoko Has No Answers

Kyoko Hits You Hard

Kyoko On A Stick

Taming The Kyoko

Game Of Kyoko

Freezing Kyoko

Running Out Of Kyoko

Kyoko From Heaven

Phony Kyoko

Kyoko In A Frame

Sick Of The Kyoko

Kyoko All Over The Floor

Kyoko, Kyoko, Gimme The Kyoko!

 

Kyoko Plans

Kyoko Compliments

Kyoko Visions

Kyoko Strength

Kyoko Faults

A Strange Kinda Kyoko

Kyoko Emotions

Kyoko Thunder

Kyoko Choices

Kyoko Chores

Kyoko From Top To Bottom

Kyoko Violence

Kyoko Techniques

Kyoko Lightning

Kyoko Fashion

Kyoko Promises

Kyoko Distractions

Kyoko Ideas

Everything Is Kyoko

Too Kyoko To Think

The War On Kyoko

Kyoko On My Mind

New York Kyoko

A Flash Of Kyoko

Remembering Kyoko

Nothing To Do With Kyoko

Unforgettable Kyoko

Unforgettable Kyoko

Suck My Kyoko

Blizzard Of Kyoko

Green Kyoko

Stray Kyoko

Broken Kyoko

Violent Kyoko

Sick Of The Kyoko

Nature Of The Kyoko

My Wooden Kyoko

Day Of The Kyoko

1 Less Kyoko

Transparent Kyoko

Let There Be Kyoko

Kyoko Will Turn You Around

Kyoko On The Floor

One Night Of Kyoko

Kyoko Safari

Fake Kyoko

Kyoko Taken For Granted

Light Kyoko

Looking Down On Kyoko

There's Nothing Like Kyoko

We Don't Need No Kyoko

Kyoko Unleashed

Rounding Up The Kyoko

Instant Kyoko

Kyoko Like This

Little Kyoko

Careless Kyoko

Infinite Kyoko

Game Of Kyoko

Kyoko On Ice

 

Kyoko Gestures

Kyoko Frowns

Kyoko Bombs

Kyoko Warmth

Kyoko Bargains

Kyoko Powers

Kyoko Heat

Kyoko Talent

Kyoko Politeness

Kyoko Adventures

kyoko on no!

 

hydrogen carbon and rust

soup hydrogen soup carbon 

truths scratched from the dirt 

rusting trucks 

die with years
in dry grass below

and with vultures above 

in waiting 

hungry like the old

hungry like the forgotten
waiting in line

for the dead

to come

waiting 

like we wait 

to die

orange big muff juice

the End
end
end
and everyone is waiting here for you
you
you
fight a fight that never ends
and
Me,
I've said enough
and the
One who bleeds out
is the one
I reach for
I reach For you in
 i want to kiss your venom stained mouth
did you ever
Realize
the life I see
is your Face
is a sin
the truth lies there
Now who's there with me now
when all we want
Is what's real
until it's everything I had
i have no more
It's not like this
just like this
just like
the end
the end
end
end
just like You
do you
want
I just want
it to shut up
blisters on
So pissed off
you're not alone
here
not At all
you would rather feel
pain than nothing
at all
walking with a blistered soul
i can't wash away those years
just walking around I hear
You talk about your life
I wish that was my own
I try to get in
but i'm Passed over looked over
never
nothing
no
not nobody
no
No
NO
I won't
let them make you sorry
a stranger strange
is who i am
i am everything i hide
everything i am
is a lie
from all the
Way
today
just fell apart like
everything
and nothing
right
it's me
who never gives up
the never ending fight
against myself
i am my own bad
all in my head
and i will turn
my own back on me
you fight to be you
and i fight to hide what is me
But it's too little, too far to throw
it all away
away
far away
maybe some other day
you can have
you can use
if you want
if you need
if you wish
to find
me

the mess we are

Face and I said wrong
you comfortable liar you're such
A comfortable liar
you're such a mess
Why would I wanna be like you
I cannot
Control
the mess  we are
we are in,
if I
what if i
What if
what if
what you want
i want you to
See I'm not the only one who
Would carry on
this
is how
it's going to be
The one maybe
I'm the one who
Would carry on
this
far away
in my way
You're wrong
if you feel
any magic to
  back off
back down
I always clean your fucking mess and
Leave no trace
no evidence
I am letting
You know
you stand reborn
before us all
so glad
To see you
again
I would die, to mold
it new
and i am now caught up in
this hell
so don't fake
it
This is
don't remember,
i remember when this was
my
Life
  caught in the rewind
caught in the capture
of ridicule
i'm the fool
to everyone
I'm
Tired of paying
and playing
a game
that will end always the same
Silence
just gets in
from the back
from the fold
the oldest story ever told
Burn like the way
I'm wired
so could you maybe
Lend a hand
to help a drowning man
whose eyes of better
got stuck in clouds
Feelings all right
but not right now
not this time
It's over it's over, this is
How, you, steered it
as bad
as you feared it
as bad as
you always wanted it to be
and I need is serenity
I don't need you
I Stumble then I crawl
with you around
you could be
the death of me
Just like you
do it all for You
you know this world is not for me
and I don't feel
everything's alright
but she was always
better at this game than me ...

i lied...

i let you excuse me
of

having any taste

sometimes you have to wallow in your own shit
before you realize
what you are now
is shit
you are what you produce


there's only two types of
expression (art music creation etc.)

good
and
bad

everything
 in between
doesn't matter
if it doesn't
last


if it doesn't hold
if it doesn't stay
true
or inside your heart or brain
somewhere
and make you
feel something
then it doesn't fucking matter

lie witness news at Coachella - hahaha super funny

this is ridiculous and hilarious .... stop trying to be cool kids and start being nerdy... at least you'll know what the fuck you're talking about-
you don't have to lie to kick it

Let it bleed, watch it burn, move on

Hanging on my wall

Is a picture

Of a painting

I did

When we first met. 

I saw it today

In a different way

And I cried 

After when I was done crying 

I took the picture off my wall 

And set it on fire 

Along with a few other reminders 

Of something I don't need to remember anymore 

It's gone now

Just like you. 

Shortly after I painted something new for someone else. 

It's now haging on my wall ;)

 

tomorrow never comes until it's too late

green painted paper lanterns
a dark stale smoke filled room
sounds of noise through music
and music through noise
muffled through the doors
and walls
and coverings
but it still comes through
will i come through
this hell i'm in
my heart hurts
the child
the adult
the soul
hurts
beyond body
and skin
and flesh and bone
tonight i sing my songs again
i play the game
and pretend
i'm sick of pretending
there's no use in pretending
anymore
i am done
the past won't feel me
cause it doesn't exist anymore
and along with that
i go

killed it

if someone says they miss you
be happy that they do

the last night of me-

put yourself out there
you will learn better
one of these days when
you've been chewed up and spit out
so many times
you're not even solid aymore
and love
ha
loving the wrong people is all you seem to do
until you those wrong people
have brought out everything
that ever made you break
as a child
but you're an adult now
and when you break
you shatter
into dust

when all the people you loved so much
find their way
they will have already killed you
you will be gone
and dead
and it won't matter to you
you were the sacrafice
you were the lesson
you were not made for this world
so
close your eyes
it's time to let your body
and everything else
go

To the heart that's breaking

Don't break over something you know isn't worth it
Not when you know
The minute you let go
Is the minute you feel
The love that surrounds you

Stop
And see
Feel
It and
Let go
Don't look back
Or hold on
Get out from where you are
Right now
And drive
To wherever
Feels good

That feeling you have
Right now
Is change
You know
Now
There is no reason or desire
To ever return to something
You no longer have
In your heart
You are now
Where you were meant to be
And that
Is
The greatest movement one can make

Yesterday will run around in circles
and continue the rat race loop forever even without you

i bruise me easily with grace

throw the next gesture
chant by night
for our new messy dream
brush above pencil figures
laugh at me and my monkey impression
pop goes my pop up ballet
an original masterpiece
of glorious flame
colored in wild blue
covered me in mad
drips of color covered glow
you can light or shadow
blend or blur
take or make the fold
it's all up to you
you chooooose
me or ooze me
all over city street
and concrete static
use me with each passing face
jumping beds and bones
lose me somewhere without a trace
between the sheets
of strangers
i
bruise me
easily
with grace
refrain
recall
it means everything and nothing at all
recline to form
use me down to nothing
as i build to pieces
not built to last
i rewind  in movement
double fast
you move right through me
with you mind
 and print me out in copies
with your call
paint me open
and pour me
in nothing
shut out nothing but
the absolute feel
made to steal
made for show
package me up
nice and pretty
finish me off with a bow
i am flesh candy
frantic and absurd
almost never together with you
fly me off to my next
dream
amuse me less
but my monkey much more

You

Suck

i'm not in love

torn paper
taped to a door
to cover a hole
punched in
punched out
hole puncher
rock paper scissors
wood
blood sweat
tears
lodged inside
flesh and skin
the splinter
stuck within
that dead old winter
stuck inside the dead
of old
dead is past
dead of us
long ago
what you can't take back
someday you will know

there i go
there i go
there i go

 

waterloo sunset

there's no we
now

there never really was to begin with

 --------------------------------------------

waterloo sunset - by the kinks

Dirty old river, must you keep rolling
Flowing into the night
People so busy, makes me feel dizzy
Taxi light shines so bright
But I don't need no friends
As long as I gaze on waterloo sunset
I am in paradise

Every day I look at the world from my window
But chilly, chilly is the evening time
Waterloo sunsets fine

Terry meets julie, waterloo station
Every friday night
But I am so lazy, don't want to wander
I stay at home at night
But I don't feel afraid
As long as I gaze on waterloo sunset
I am in paradise

Every day I look at the world from my window
But chilly, chilly is the evening time
Waterloo sunsets fine

Millions of people swarming like flies round waterloo underground
But terry and julie cross over the river
Where they feel safe and sound
And the don't need no friends
As long as they gaze on waterloo sunset
They are in paradise

Waterloo sunsets fine

My baby's on the level

I Want to
Go
Back
To that time


But it's over
And it's time
For me to move on

to my last love

to my last love

you were never really there to begin with
you didn't make me feel very loved
in the end - it wasn't up to me to try and make us work. i did that for years and you still didn't care to make it right.
i have my faults but when it comes to you and i -
and why i don't love you anymore
it's because of you. 100%.
you kept me out of your life. you kept me hidden. you never validated our relationship or me even though you knew that hurt me. even though you promised me you would - i trusted your word and your heart over and over again... but that was me being a fool.
all the other "issues" didn't matter if you couldn't even be open about our "relationship" to the other people in your life. cause then there is no relationship. and if there's no real relationship then your issues with me could be treated the same way you treated me and what i wanted--- not important enough to change. you ignored my needs and feelings for so long that  i don't love you anymore.

today i cried a bit when i thought of how much i loved you and how amazing it once felt
but
that was so long ago
you were careless and took my love for granted
 and now it's gone
i don't have it anymore
for you
i don't want it anymore either
i wasted a lot of myself
running around circles with you.

amuse me

amuse me
muse me
use me
as long as you use me
beautifully - 
i could use that sort of distraction right now
lose me
under the covers
of your bed
lost up somewhere 
inside your head
inside your heart
that's where i want to be
i don't care
i just want to be where
ever
you are
right now
late night lovers
should never go away

 

I didn't change

You did
You will see
Maybe I changed after the change in you
But all I know is that I could love you still
If you weren't so mean
I still love you still
You can have your mean
And I will move on
Again

I...

I love you. I just do. You're so many wonderful things.
Period

I love you.

Oh yeah!

I'm awesome. Oh yeah. And so is this life. Oh yeah. And certain people. Oh yeah!!! Fuck yeah! Amen!

Disappointment

Why is it that the minute I start to open my heart to someone - they shit all over it?
I'm going to keep my distance from now on. It's better this way.

Old

I don't feel well.
I think I may be getting sick
I know I'm getting old
Ugh
Somebody bring me some love
And a Kambucha
And give me softies
Oh yeah I need someone to come here and give me softies

i did what i had to do

whatever gets you through the night
it's alright
it's alright

the little things aren't so little

tonight it's pretty clear
who really cares 
and who does not...
i'm sitting across from him
as i write this
in his room
as he paints
and this is exactly where i want to be
this means more to me
than most of the last three years have
cause i look at who's here with me
and that's all that matters
 
it's the smallest things sometimes that fill that empty space in your heart full of love
i love this
right now
right here
and everything else 
doesn't matter
anymore


i needed this tonight
i needed to see what was out there
i needed to something to make me feel good again
i needed something that would make me walk away for good...



:)


i just realized i've wasted the last 3 years of my life
on someone who isn't very loving, who isn't ever there when it really matters, and who doesn't really care to treat me like he wants to keep me around. all he does is say the same thing over and over but he doesn't SHOW it. he's never shown it until he thinks he's losing me. and now he has. i've been trying to work with someone who doesn't work with me at all...
he makes sure to tell me a bunch of crap about love and bullshit but look at who's here with me now. not him... he's never there when he should be if he wanted to make this better - he wouldn't have left it the way he did. i don't love him anymore. i don't like him. someone else can have him. see how long they put up with his stupid idiotic bullshit excuses and minimal effort. all that matters to him is him and i have no desire to be with someone as selfish and unloving. 

 

the lonliest man that will ever be

i loved you
but
you
were
never
really there
you will be alone
the loneliest man
that ever was
and will ever be
just wait and see...

hazy dark blue
drip
drips
of
stuff 
stale
made to rust
rust
just like
the ugly
feel left
from lust
you like to paint
as a picture of love
when it fits your fill
and when it doesn't
you don't care

if i remain
down where
you always left me
out on the outs
of your living
with so many
i will never know
i will never meet
i've been kept low
to hide on the 
 pitch black side
of the fold
the dark side of cold
drips drops that echo
an orphans cry
to the deaf ears
and a blind sky
you let it go by
bye bye
apart from
and
not a part of 
everything else
that i am not invited to by you
 tonight when i kiss the ideas of love
and the you that isn't you  
goodbye bad bye
i ask you why
i ask you why
would i feel your love
when your love
was never loving to me?
 let's not pretend that you try
cause you barely do much of any thing
that doesn't serve you first
and you ultimately

that you don't have to say
that you show more than love
and more than you know

go -now
       i go

when i listen to that music

it makes me cry
i remember a younger self
i remember
the way i used to feel
there was something magical
then
it feels like yesterday
but it was so long ago now
i only feel moments of that now
quickly fleeting
pushed out by something cheap
and bitter
and ugly
i want to go back
to that time
and that feeling
of wonder
of the unknown
and love
the feeling that love was actually possible
someday with someone
to love who loves me
a young heart believes
in such great foolish things 
that no adult has the heart for
anymore
that music brings me back
even if only for a second -which is gone
before this sentence is

find colors between

the fold
the split
the shadow
the sides
left and right
black and white
east and west
day and night
sun and moon
dark and light
black and white
i sometimes
forget
to blend the two
between
i shift all one way
and become that side
until that side
becomes too much
of me
that i flip a switch
completely around
and shift to the
opposite side
where i hide
for as long as i can
until i am
 sick of that side now too
back and forth
flip flop
trip hop

start and stop
between the two sides of me
i live in the split
of dualities
buff out
erase
away
the line
that cuts me off
from me
in the middle of it
is where i would like to be

I want to live. And I can't when I'm with you

U can lose me
U pretty much have already
U can say how hard it is
U can argue about my feelings
Tell me blue is orange
When everyone around me sees blue too
U can not call me all day
Not even bother trying to talk to me
After you made me mess of my heart the day before
You can not care enough to really do something to repair the damage
But instead act like texting me sorry
Then acting like everything's okay makes it all go away
You can stay a child
As long as you want
As long as the ones around you enable you to ruin and you don't have to think about what your actions and how they affect people and relationships
You can ignore the writing on the wall
Or the words that fall from my mouth and make up your own ideas and beliefs and hear what you want to hear
I'm starting to think you believe what you want and what you want isn't what's happening.
You run around the same track
Forever if you want
You can hit repeat on your tongue
You try and make me be there with you over and over again
But I'm not going to be there
I don't like the stick
Of this stuck
You're sticking me in
Cause you're there
I won't be anywhere
Near this again
That's stupid if I do the same thing over with you.
It's stupid that you don't see that you do it too.
This is the end of the end
And the beginning of a new start

 
"Baby's Arms" Kurt Vile

I won't be mean

But I won't deal with you
In any capacity
Ever
Again.

;)

"Tell me lies later come and see me
I'll be around for awhile.
I am lonely
But you can free me
All in the way that you smile"

;)

Don't think twice it's alright

You can be as cold as you need
You already are anyway
Doesn't matter when it doesn't matter
Anymore
Any less
Don't need me more of a mess
In an already messy me
Get over yourself
I like the good in you
But the bad makes what I like disappear
Unsafe
Unsure
And unclear
No one could get close to you like that
No one would want to feel your cold air
Or worry about what you
You are today
And if it flips again tomorrow
Be open
Let people in
Let it be
For whoever comes your way from now on

Sigh

I'd like to think that this world isn't as cold or as lonely as it sometimes feels...
But that's how it feels right now
I don't know...
I'm turning off my computer
And my phone
For the rest of however long I feel
Bye

march 3rd- i can't write for shit

spent saturday night
in a hotel
with you
-
crazy as that sounds
it used to inspire
something
adventures
and moments
that made me love
and made me feel good

but now
it doesn't excite
or inspire
it doesn't make me
feel like i can move mountains
or conquer the world
with my love
cause i don't feel the love
anymore
like once before
you kept us down

there's no movement
there's no growth
there's no life
cause this isn't loving
and this isn't living
cause you and i aren't in love anymore
i love you
and i care about you
enough to let you go

i don't want to see you ruined
i'd rather feel you
in love so crazy so wild
i'd rather go mad from love
than insane from
existing and watching our love as it goes away
fades away
that is the worst thing
i could ever imagine
the one thing i would never want
to go through
set it on fire
watch it burn
while it's still up in flames
we turn
and run away

never watch it die
never fade away

blah

Sun morning

I begin to forget
Wasted words
To draw me in
You had me even before
Now
Not at all
As daylight breaks in
I
Am
Gone

You should do something quick before you can't do anything at all

Get weird
Pull away
Hate your face
Make space
In Between
Love love love
To run away
React attack
Miss me much?
But I'm not there
Return back
Back where?
Did you care?
Couldn't tell
Oh well
The Back and forth
Is all we do
I Run
Circles Round
The spinning you
Miss your smell
I think we fell
In and out
And
In and out
Of love
We
Are
in love again

Do you feel it too?

I want to be near you
Right now
I would rather feel you
Inside me
next to me
To have you
Want you
Want me too
wrap around you
I am open to you
Parting skin
Ready and wanting
to let you in

Sepia-Tone Dusk in an Angels Garden On a Day Like Today

The soft moss swimming;
It is the dying spirit.
Desiring, I hide.

Pink shore, serene breeze.
The flat, upright sparkle shines.
Lost moon, velvet spirit.

Walk, swim. With blunt leaves
Wither, decline. With sharp flames
Write, fade: fluttering.
Purple, tender, falling,
Your eyes sits. A mermaid arises,
Declining, shining, I fall

deep within and go far away...




-kyoko cole 2013-

i want to be in love with someone like him

"this is for Leonard wherever you are"
                         "and this is for nina simone"

                                                                -Jeff Buckley  ;)

 that made me smile
and so does this song...especially the way that jeff buckley sings it.  (no offense leonard, i love you too- wherever you are)
:)

BLACK VELVET SUGAR

The soft moss swimming;
It is the dying spirit.
Desiring, I hide.
Pink shore, serene breeze.
The flat, upright sparkle shines.
Lost moon, velvet spirit.
Walk, swim. With blunt leaves
Wither, decline. With sharp flames
Write, fade: fluttering.
Purple, tender, falling,
Your eyes sits. A mermaid arises,
Declining, shining.
shine on
and on

love love love

i couldn't love you more than you love me
i would like to think
we just love
we don't ask more
we don't give less
we just are
maybe we already just are that way
but it's our world baby
that makes us think
we need titles
and onlys
and forevers
when we got all of that
and none of that
all at the same time
i guess i just like loving
someone like you
and that doesn't mean anything more or less
than what it means
don't get too lost in all i say
cause at this time i really feel that way
i don't say
those words
"i love you"
too many people take it the wrong way
or over take it
and trash it
before they can understand
that love is love
and love is beautiful
in it's true form
and it doesn't always mean one person is less
and the other more
it's all the other expectations that make love
not love but this ugly thing
that is the opposite of love
 and that is what i wish to remember
when i go about this life


 

this is for my ex: you know who you are

to my ex
you have a girlfriend you live with
you can't keep me to yourself too
any way you can
you've already let me go
you have someone who loves you
and then some
so just 
be happy with what you have
you choose to be there
so don't complain
be happy with what you have
and let me
be happy
as well...
stop fucking up my shit just cause you don't want to see me with somebody else
you never learned to be happy for someone else
if that someone else isn't with you-
well it's about time


thanks
 

i can't talk to you or see you anymore.

why do you want it to be this way?
do you like it where it is?
did you ever want more?
when i see you let it be
less than
what i once knew it could be
it hurst
it makes me sick
it makes me want to forget

you don't care what you're doing to it right now
cause it's still here
i'm still here
trying
even though you would like me to not say anything
and just allow us to die slowly
sigh
the only way for you to ever know what you do to the people who love you
is for you to lose
what you thought would always be there
for you no matter how many times
you wouldn't

the hardest thing for me to do
is to say goodbye to someone i truly loved
i never felt as strongly as i do
right now about having to
walk away
and leave you behind
 you won't appreciate me if i stay
you don't even know
what you're doing
to this
to us
right now
you don't even realize how special our love was
how much i loved you
you just kicked it down to it's place once it was down
you never helped it get back up
you don't see that right now
but you will
and for a little while at least it will haunt you
cause that's what the ghost of things do

i never asked you for something i knew you couldn't do
what i was asking for was just something you wouldn't do

i never saw that you really wanted me around enough for me to stay
you showed me all the things to make me go away

 

bathroom floors and locked doors

chocolate covered pretzels
a bottle of cheap wine
and a pack of cigarettes
that's all i need
some nights
no sex
no boys
no company
except for my cats -
who keep scratching at my door
i spend much of my time
locked in small spaces
like bathrooms
bathrooms
are to me
like sucking thumbs
and security blankies 
safe
and comforting

you're a walking abortion

daddy issues
mommy issues too
boo hoo you - stupid girl
whine and cry your alligator tears
tell everyone your sob story
that no one wants to hear
you're such a victim
you're always the victim
i've never met anyone as worthless as you
nobody loves you and you know it
not even you
whine
cry about that too
scream and shout
you got nothing worth talking about
you spit spat spit shit
and lies
spit 
spat
you fat
ugly
worthless brat
pop those pills
i hope it kills
you for good
cause you're already dead inside
you're a piece of shit
you do nothing with your life
or to make the world better
i hope you fucking die
---
nobody likes you
fatty
look around you have no friends of your own
gee i wonder why
ha
cause you're a no good person
and no one can stand to be around shit like you for too long

corinna law you should go do this world and everyone around you a favor and kill yourself. no one would miss you... what's there to miss?
a twofaced lying manipulative hater who back stabs everyone and talks a bunch of shit when you have no fucking right. you do nothing with your life cause you are nothing. just like your stupid worthless mom- if you can even call her a mother. go hold her hair back some more as she pukes all over your self worth. oh yeah you lost that years ago. if you're gonna act like a fucked up slut bitch cunt then expect to be treated like one. fucking baby.... you can't go running and telling on people when they fucking punch your ugly face in- cause you deserve it. actually you deserve much worse... and mark my words - you will get what's coming to you. you have enough people who can't wait to see you fucking go down and feel pain. but this time your mommy won't be able to fight your fights for you. coward. watch your fucking back you fat ugly cunt. trust me you're gonna wish you never fucked with all the people you fucked with. especially me. watch it--- when you least expect it bitch... when you least expect it. go do something with your pathetic life while you have the chance... stupid corinna no wonder everyone hates you and wants to punch you in your retarded looking fat face. ha...  get used to it you cunt.
 

I write this from beyond

If my hands could
Touch
Your skin
Right now
And fly miles across
To you
It would
Drip
Down
like Honey
and Soft kisses
just to sweep
along
with
a sweet brush
From tips o' fingers
And softly soothe unto you
A hush
a whisper
a song
Of sweet melody
And
We would fall in love
and into
One another
Beyond skin
Beyond bone
Our Beating hearts
Could only feel
we you and me
both
together again
to fall
To form
Onto
into and in between
the loveliness
of loving you
you love me
as we fly past
and cry past
And die
at last we are Together
as we melt
Sweet kisses
And soft skin
And begin
Again
Like lovers
Do
Like me and you
words and time
the scent And song could never touch
us Like we have touched
One another
and Each others heart
and soul
Like no one else
ever
Again

Tonight is warm

You are cold
Mean
And
Cold
I picked up a lot of bad habits from you
But the one thing I didn't pick up until tonight
Was the hate
That one has to have
When someone acts like you do
You're stuck up
And never gave love first
But you demanded it back
You said some things tonight
That made me stop caring
You choose to say such hateful things.
And now
I wonder why I kept on trying to be loving to you
You don't matter
This does not matter
We don't matter together we are not
Anymore
You always have your reasons
Well I got my reasons too
And I hope you feel
The way I do
And I hope someone you love
Is as cold and as mean as you
I really do
Cause you never tried to protect me
You didn't try to make anything better you only tried to get me to change
To be more like you
Well you aren't a good man sometimes.
I'd rather be with someone who is free to do and see whatever and whomever he pleases but is sweet and nice to me
Than to have you on your moral high horse who states how they do no wrong but doesn't care to listen to anyone else and is just angry and mean when he feels just.
Fuck that
And
Fuck you
After 7 years of believing I was the one with all the problems. I see that a lot of the problems have been you too
You should really change yourself before you try to change anyone else
You shouldn't really think about the fucked up things you say
Before you spit them in my face
Cause today was the day that it made me not give a shit about you anymore.
You can never take it back
And I'm glad.
You deserve to feel
What you will feel
Now that I am gone

10:38 pm flow

found myself
alone
but not
i guess sometimes
that's where i have to be
cause the brain and
the heart
don't always
go
right along with
that of others
so in sync
in sync out
i fall all about
this and that
is
and is not
where
it's at
what is it
what it is not
my thoughts
get caught
up in the
mix
i need a fix
cause i'm going down ;)
you don't have to call me
tonight
tomorrow
or ever
if you never
do anyways
you don't have to be around
cause then i know you won't won't on your own
your ghost is all
i've ever known
the only thing that's shown
is the
fade
out and in
again
i need a lot tonight
but not from you
not from anyone else
but me will do
i find comfort in the facts thrown at me
that i don't even care to hear
but you care to say
i know i'll miss it
and you someday

When one door closes another one opens. :) (cheesy)

He makes me smile.
He has soft skin
And a nice face
A really nice face
All his other parts are really nice too
;)
He's gentle But strong
He makes me feel safe
He's not afraid to say how he feels
Or show how he feels
And he makes me laugh
And right now I like that
And appreciate that
More than ever before