hydrogen carbon and rust

soup hydrogen soup carbon 

truths scratched from the dirt 

rusting trucks 

die with years
in dry grass below

and with vultures above 

in waiting 

hungry like the old

hungry like the forgotten
waiting in line

for the dead

to come

waiting 

like we wait 

to die

the last night of me-

put yourself out there
you will learn better
one of these days when
you've been chewed up and spit out
so many times
you're not even solid aymore
and love
ha
loving the wrong people is all you seem to do
until you those wrong people
have brought out everything
that ever made you break
as a child
but you're an adult now
and when you break
you shatter
into dust

when all the people you loved so much
find their way
they will have already killed you
you will be gone
and dead
and it won't matter to you
you were the sacrafice
you were the lesson
you were not made for this world
so
close your eyes
it's time to let your body
and everything else
go

Don't think twice it's alright

You can be as cold as you need
You already are anyway
Doesn't matter when it doesn't matter
Anymore
Any less
Don't need me more of a mess
In an already messy me
Get over yourself
I like the good in you
But the bad makes what I like disappear
Unsafe
Unsure
And unclear
No one could get close to you like that
No one would want to feel your cold air
Or worry about what you
You are today
And if it flips again tomorrow
Be open
Let people in
Let it be
For whoever comes your way from now on

march 3rd- i can't write for shit

spent saturday night
in a hotel
with you
-
crazy as that sounds
it used to inspire
something
adventures
and moments
that made me love
and made me feel good

but now
it doesn't excite
or inspire
it doesn't make me
feel like i can move mountains
or conquer the world
with my love
cause i don't feel the love
anymore
like once before
you kept us down

there's no movement
there's no growth
there's no life
cause this isn't loving
and this isn't living
cause you and i aren't in love anymore
i love you
and i care about you
enough to let you go

i don't want to see you ruined
i'd rather feel you
in love so crazy so wild
i'd rather go mad from love
than insane from
existing and watching our love as it goes away
fades away
that is the worst thing
i could ever imagine
the one thing i would never want
to go through
set it on fire
watch it burn
while it's still up in flames
we turn
and run away

never watch it die
never fade away

blah

i can't talk to you or see you anymore.

why do you want it to be this way?
do you like it where it is?
did you ever want more?
when i see you let it be
less than
what i once knew it could be
it hurst
it makes me sick
it makes me want to forget

you don't care what you're doing to it right now
cause it's still here
i'm still here
trying
even though you would like me to not say anything
and just allow us to die slowly
sigh
the only way for you to ever know what you do to the people who love you
is for you to lose
what you thought would always be there
for you no matter how many times
you wouldn't

the hardest thing for me to do
is to say goodbye to someone i truly loved
i never felt as strongly as i do
right now about having to
walk away
and leave you behind
 you won't appreciate me if i stay
you don't even know
what you're doing
to this
to us
right now
you don't even realize how special our love was
how much i loved you
you just kicked it down to it's place once it was down
you never helped it get back up
you don't see that right now
but you will
and for a little while at least it will haunt you
cause that's what the ghost of things do

i never asked you for something i knew you couldn't do
what i was asking for was just something you wouldn't do

i never saw that you really wanted me around enough for me to stay
you showed me all the things to make me go away