the last night of me-

put yourself out there
you will learn better
one of these days when
you've been chewed up and spit out
so many times
you're not even solid aymore
and love
ha
loving the wrong people is all you seem to do
until you those wrong people
have brought out everything
that ever made you break
as a child
but you're an adult now
and when you break
you shatter
into dust

when all the people you loved so much
find their way
they will have already killed you
you will be gone
and dead
and it won't matter to you
you were the sacrafice
you were the lesson
you were not made for this world
so
close your eyes
it's time to let your body
and everything else
go

i can't talk to you or see you anymore.

why do you want it to be this way?
do you like it where it is?
did you ever want more?
when i see you let it be
less than
what i once knew it could be
it hurst
it makes me sick
it makes me want to forget

you don't care what you're doing to it right now
cause it's still here
i'm still here
trying
even though you would like me to not say anything
and just allow us to die slowly
sigh
the only way for you to ever know what you do to the people who love you
is for you to lose
what you thought would always be there
for you no matter how many times
you wouldn't

the hardest thing for me to do
is to say goodbye to someone i truly loved
i never felt as strongly as i do
right now about having to
walk away
and leave you behind
 you won't appreciate me if i stay
you don't even know
what you're doing
to this
to us
right now
you don't even realize how special our love was
how much i loved you
you just kicked it down to it's place once it was down
you never helped it get back up
you don't see that right now
but you will
and for a little while at least it will haunt you
cause that's what the ghost of things do

i never asked you for something i knew you couldn't do
what i was asking for was just something you wouldn't do

i never saw that you really wanted me around enough for me to stay
you showed me all the things to make me go away

 

wish you were beer -

you stammer on
and makes an excuse
that runs into a run on
into
another excuse
turned excuses
piled on
and on top of
more excuses
"excuse me for
being the asshole i am" you recite
"excuse me for not giving a shit
cause i felt sick or woke up grumpy or got drunk blah blah ya di da di dahhhh"
---- his yack is always the same stupid back
and i don't really care
i don't give a shit anymore 
drop it
leave it
kick it
trash it
dump it
and walk on by
you're done
i'm gone
it's dead
moving on 
go with
someone
better
instead
of
you
you don't even see the stupid you do

you wasted all the tries
you spit out all your lies

and you have no chance to make it back
or get it back again
...
ever again

you're too much
that i don't ever want to deal with

ever again

 

the ghost of my friends

This is not a prison.
This is a trap.

I am the bait.

___________________________________________________________

Having balls is a good thing
having raw passion is a good thing and a rare thing.
To have both passion AND balls is what makes someone great.

I miss the great ones
I miss the lovers
and the dreamers/creators
I miss the artists
I miss the tortured souls- the poets...the journeymen ...
and I mean the real ones
the real risk takers
the real love makers
the ones that do what they were born to do
unafraid of being who they really are
the ones that live for what they love
and the ones that love to love.
it has nothing to do with image
and everything to do with heart and soul
and pure being
I miss the truth in them
I miss their passion
I miss having them around
I miss them knocking at my bedroom window at 3am
driven by desire
driven by love
and...That feeling -
that wonderful feeling of hope and wonder
and the excitement in life and love

I miss the fire

master of make believe

i knew this day would come at last
i lived waiting for the end to come in fast
waiting for it -waiting from you
you handsome devil and the harm you can do
i knew better than get too close
i had little to nothing for you
but somewhere in between sheets and bodies turned upside down
turned hearts around
and waiting for the end
begins to start
soft sweet dangerous skin
didn't even see you creep on in
in the back of my mind i know i'm just another girl
one more notch on your belt
one more link on your chain
then jump on out with the next passing train
you kind ain't my kind.
you charmed my ass blind
yes mister man... you are good. so very good at what you do
sweet talker fast walker
you get around
but it still didn't stop me til then
and when
i got lost looking for you
looking all around
it was then that i found
only an empty space
a fleeting face
not even a sound
in a silent forgotten room
with just the shadow of a friend
-only playing pretend
the makings of an end.
leaking hearts
dancing in echoes
i dance alone
the only remains of you
remains unknowna
the master of love 'em and leave
you are the king of make believe