march 3rd- i can't write for shit

spent saturday night
in a hotel
with you
-
crazy as that sounds
it used to inspire
something
adventures
and moments
that made me love
and made me feel good

but now
it doesn't excite
or inspire
it doesn't make me
feel like i can move mountains
or conquer the world
with my love
cause i don't feel the love
anymore
like once before
you kept us down

there's no movement
there's no growth
there's no life
cause this isn't loving
and this isn't living
cause you and i aren't in love anymore
i love you
and i care about you
enough to let you go

i don't want to see you ruined
i'd rather feel you
in love so crazy so wild
i'd rather go mad from love
than insane from
existing and watching our love as it goes away
fades away
that is the worst thing
i could ever imagine
the one thing i would never want
to go through
set it on fire
watch it burn
while it's still up in flames
we turn
and run away

never watch it die
never fade away

blah

Do you feel it too?

I want to be near you
Right now
I would rather feel you
Inside me
next to me
To have you
Want you
Want me too
wrap around you
I am open to you
Parting skin
Ready and wanting
to let you in

Sepia-Tone Dusk in an Angels Garden On a Day Like Today

The soft moss swimming;
It is the dying spirit.
Desiring, I hide.

Pink shore, serene breeze.
The flat, upright sparkle shines.
Lost moon, velvet spirit.

Walk, swim. With blunt leaves
Wither, decline. With sharp flames
Write, fade: fluttering.
Purple, tender, falling,
Your eyes sits. A mermaid arises,
Declining, shining, I fall

deep within and go far away...




-kyoko cole 2013-

love love love

i couldn't love you more than you love me
i would like to think
we just love
we don't ask more
we don't give less
we just are
maybe we already just are that way
but it's our world baby
that makes us think
we need titles
and onlys
and forevers
when we got all of that
and none of that
all at the same time
i guess i just like loving
someone like you
and that doesn't mean anything more or less
than what it means
don't get too lost in all i say
cause at this time i really feel that way
i don't say
those words
"i love you"
too many people take it the wrong way
or over take it
and trash it
before they can understand
that love is love
and love is beautiful
in it's true form
and it doesn't always mean one person is less
and the other more
it's all the other expectations that make love
not love but this ugly thing
that is the opposite of love
 and that is what i wish to remember
when i go about this life


 

I write this from beyond

If my hands could
Touch
Your skin
Right now
And fly miles across
To you
It would
Drip
Down
like Honey
and Soft kisses
just to sweep
along
with
a sweet brush
From tips o' fingers
And softly soothe unto you
A hush
a whisper
a song
Of sweet melody
And
We would fall in love
and into
One another
Beyond skin
Beyond bone
Our Beating hearts
Could only feel
we you and me
both
together again
to fall
To form
Onto
into and in between
the loveliness
of loving you
you love me
as we fly past
and cry past
And die
at last we are Together
as we melt
Sweet kisses
And soft skin
And begin
Again
Like lovers
Do
Like me and you
words and time
the scent And song could never touch
us Like we have touched
One another
and Each others heart
and soul
Like no one else
ever
Again

;)

i may be a light sleeper
but 

I'm a heavy dreamer

 

"I'm not looking for anything serious"

Well thanks. If you think I was closes off before now I'm forced to be even more. I had limits and too much thought into things that should or could be just natural. People are weird. We want what we can't have and when we can have it we treat it like shit. The funny part is later down the road when we figure out how great it was and when we've finally grow up a bit it quite often is too late. Don't put titles on things. Don't limit yourself whether it be in a relationship or not ready for a relationship. We are where we are and things are as they are and you know what you sign up for. Don't stop something from being in its natural state. Period. If it's not for you then leave it alone. Or let it be.
The minute you put limits on something or someone you end up limiting yourself.
With that said
I let it go.

pleasant street - tim buckley

i fucking love this song... it's eerie how much his son sounded like him and looked like him
they only met each other once

PLEASANT STREET - by Tim Buckley

Lyrics | Tim Buckley lyrics - Pleasant Street lyrics

being alone never felt so alone

you want me?

it's simple

you want me

come and get me

you know what to do

and where i am 

you know where to find me

come on
take me.

if you really want me with you
come and get me

but...

if you don't 

then you
must
just

let 
me 
be

steamroller asshole blues

steamroller
controller
can't seem to win
in and out
You scream about
throw my shit
straight at my head
your feelings like to shout
can't be better
can't be myself
can't be myself
and i can't talk
when you come in
pressing in on
and down on me
you already
tell me
how i feel
you tell me how i feel
tell me how do i feel?
you just tell me HOW I FEEL
and never seem to stop
keep on keeping on
with all your
talk talk talk
VERBAL WALK
all over
walk
you take
all over me
i watch what you don't see
and feel what you don't feel
the weight of your crush
and you don't know how i feel
You'll never know how I feel

i don't know what i would do without my distractions

had to leave

had to get out of the head i was in

and the only place to go

was back

to the start

back home

go home

home to me

wherever that may be

saw a friend

and throughout the day - a few more

distractions keep me alive

in a crowded room

i found you again

i saw you again

tonight

and when other things

i once knew

fade and die

all around me

your face in a room of many

fills the space

another left empty

and that

tonight

 is all

i need to get by.

it makes the others die

while i am distracted by something else

and that something else

right now

is

you.

whore it up and don't give a fuck

whore it up

don't give a fuck

until you find something worth giving a fuck about

...

sigh...

wait ...

imagine just came on the radio

and it makes me want to cry

cause all i wanted was to be a part of something 

all i wanted was to be important enough to you

but it's not you

it's not even love

if it's like this

it's not you 

it's him and him and especially 

the big man who started it all

who started me anyways

he's the one i'm wanting to be important enough to

he's the one who started this feeling inside me

but i'm the one who will end it 

cause you...

you were just a painful reminder

of what i lack

and what i will always yearn for 

even with the best therapy and years of treatment

ha!

you were just a filler to keep me feeling the empty and the rejection

cause i feed off the hurt and the pain that never stops
i feed off the hurt and the pain that hasn't killed me.... yet

cause you know it is bound to get to anyone

the missing and the empty is bound to take over

the shit is gonna get to me someday

i can only take what i can take for so long

-- and what that means to me is not some morbid cry for help

i won't kill myself now 

i'm too old for that shit

but when the shit hits the fan

and too much is too much

 a part of me won't be alive 

like before 

and that 

is okay 

it has to be okay

i make it okay by escaping in many

i won't cry today

now i am okay

cause you can't fuck with 

something and expect it to not fuck back 

so for now

i will deal with my hurt and pain and blah blah blah

by fucking everything in site

and that means sexx

cause at least that's something i can do

right 

and do without giving a fuck

if it ain't you

whore it up baby

cause it's the only way 

it's the only way

until you find a better way 

i waited for you but you never came

weeping willows
kiss the shadows of my static cling
in night softness you enter
but only in my mind
i can feel you in my heart
it's death
it's a slow death
to have thoughts of you
enter me
without any sign
without even a warning
i guess the warning was you
i should have known that
many years ago when i first let myself into you
and now i only know you in between the lines
that are written
in a message you send me
whenever you fucking feel like
sending me a little reminder
which speaks volumes
even without your voice
it's a slow death
and you know what you're doing
cause you are master of plans
you do not leave your room
you do not leave yourself
without rehearsing
what you
you've decided to be for that day
or for that person
did i ever really know you at all?
darkness stays hidden
i like things that hide
cause i'm the master of the great escape
ongoing forever flowing
on
i try not to stay in one place
for too long
the right exit always leaves you
a sweet memory in the minds of people you never really knew
but they thought they knew you
with the roots  of another line beneath me
and it's years that stretch on above me
in the darkness of the night
where i am with myself alone
i see the you and i are more alike
that i'd like to admit
we keep distance and desire as a game
we like to play
i kiss the air
for that is the closest i'll ever get to you
that is the closest i've ever gotten
somewhere in the air
and in the wind
you are and you are not
 there
and that is the one truth i can keep with me
when everything else is made to be left behind

frost and freeze please

"----i hate you!"...
"-no you don't. you love me. this is what love is  whether you like it or not-"

the tornado has no home address

this city has no face

calling empty numbers of an empty space

ringing rapid rounds 'round to no escape

the answering machine is off eating up the tape

embracing our demise in human shape

spinning round no record

running down tracks turned to dust

growing in distance

drives in  leaking existence

as all things eventually rust

this is what it is like whether you like it or not

-kc 2008

 _________________________________________________________________________

Lolita  Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde  Strong Opinions  Moloch: Or, This Gentile World

Tales of Ordinary Madness  Love is a Dog From Hell

through the land and throught the water - i'm in love with you now go away

your words hang heavy
and repeat in my mind
you gave us a moment
that will burn us forever
in time -  we are skipping
forever in moments
of days left behind
forever we go
round in circles devine


move me in the water
move me in the sand
move me to field
move me to the land
when the light shines on me
far from you is where i'll be


it comes through silence
on city streets i survive
of nights in blue
years from now  
we come alive
forever
we come
alive
in moments we once knew
  forever in wild
we are wild
 inside fire 
my face you see 
alive
forever and
forever you will
 think of me

you mean more

with all the talk
i've had
a lot
and
a lot
of
men
that have passed my way....
most just names
of kinds
of love
and such
like stepping stones
all have touched me in some
kind of way
but few of those
i've known
have reached
me
like you-
deep
deeper
than i can say
and after one
or two
and more
of
broken hearts
and
broken days
just broken

i need someone like you.
after the cry
and the howl
and the taste of dirt
and the i don't knows
the worst of hurt
i want someone like you.
no name other than love
no place other than my heart
you are more to me than the lines between us
that we put around us
that we allow to be us
you are someone more
someone special
in my life
in my heart
in more
than just talk
that means more than
the talk
that life talks up
you mean more
and
fill me more
than
the way
the talk
and the fake
means
and fills up
in life 
and in my days
_______________________________________

i don't care to see you anymore

I've always been around
now I'm going away
i need to be away
from you
I'm lost tonight.
so fucking lost.
i feel so alone
but i know this is the only way for right now.
in the comforts of my bathroom
the only place i feel safe
the only room with lock on the door
i run the water of the bathtub
i listen
i start to cry
the sound of water speaks to me
in times like these
it's all i have and all i know when i need to escape
and even though
I'm a mess right now inside my heart
for some reason
i know i will be okay
--- without you -- i will be fine
i don't feel you with me anymore
i don't think you ever really were
not really anyways...
now less than ever
i just know that having you be this way again
has done something to me
i see you differently now
the way i feel about you has changed

i wish i was dead

never felt like this
you don't want me anymore
i don't even want me
is this me?
who am i?
love has me in pieces
in places in pieces
so many some have faded to dust
into dust
like our love
you fade too
if you knew
what i knew inside
maybe you could see what i see
and feel what i feel
but you
only know you
and i fall down as i listen to you speak
saying the words that break me ever more
i am broken fragments on the floor
step and crush and stomp all over me
please
until i am no more
i don't want to be with this
all i wanted was you
all i ever wanted was you
your love
i had
but now for me
you don't feel the same
like you had before
you change quickly and
i'm left without
i don't want to be
don't care to be
don't care
don't care
want out
want dead
i wish i were dead

have some soul would ya please?

please people-
have some fucking soul man
don't be afraid to go out there and get what you fucking want
take what you love
love what loves you
but don't get lost in the things in life
that seem too good
too good
too true
too good to be true?
too anything
things change
people change
and it never is what it was
or what you want
or what you think you need
fuck searching for the "perfect one"
who doesn't exist as perfectly as you'd like
shit... stop searching for the one period
it's all possible
but don't expect it to save you
or fix you
or make you happy
don't expect anyone to be able to control that
you find good people . who are what they are
human
but honest, trustworthy and loyal
and you stop thinking about
all the things you don't have
and stop thinking so much about
something that was made up in your own head- many years ago - that gave you some kind of hope- that gave you some kind of way to deal
even if it was unhealthy
stop looking
stop worrying
stop pretending
stop wasting
the time is now
you are there
i am here
and it doesn't last forever

yuck
FUCK- THE ONE