whore it up and don't give a fuck

whore it up

don't give a fuck

until you find something worth giving a fuck about

...

sigh...

wait ...

imagine just came on the radio

and it makes me want to cry

cause all i wanted was to be a part of something 

all i wanted was to be important enough to you

but it's not you

it's not even love

if it's like this

it's not you 

it's him and him and especially 

the big man who started it all

who started me anyways

he's the one i'm wanting to be important enough to

he's the one who started this feeling inside me

but i'm the one who will end it 

cause you...

you were just a painful reminder

of what i lack

and what i will always yearn for 

even with the best therapy and years of treatment

ha!

you were just a filler to keep me feeling the empty and the rejection

cause i feed off the hurt and the pain that never stops
i feed off the hurt and the pain that hasn't killed me.... yet

cause you know it is bound to get to anyone

the missing and the empty is bound to take over

the shit is gonna get to me someday

i can only take what i can take for so long

-- and what that means to me is not some morbid cry for help

i won't kill myself now 

i'm too old for that shit

but when the shit hits the fan

and too much is too much

 a part of me won't be alive 

like before 

and that 

is okay 

it has to be okay

i make it okay by escaping in many

i won't cry today

now i am okay

cause you can't fuck with 

something and expect it to not fuck back 

so for now

i will deal with my hurt and pain and blah blah blah

by fucking everything in site

and that means sexx

cause at least that's something i can do

right 

and do without giving a fuck

if it ain't you

whore it up baby

cause it's the only way 

it's the only way

until you find a better way 

i wish i was dead

never felt like this
you don't want me anymore
i don't even want me
is this me?
who am i?
love has me in pieces
in places in pieces
so many some have faded to dust
into dust
like our love
you fade too
if you knew
what i knew inside
maybe you could see what i see
and feel what i feel
but you
only know you
and i fall down as i listen to you speak
saying the words that break me ever more
i am broken fragments on the floor
step and crush and stomp all over me
please
until i am no more
i don't want to be with this
all i wanted was you
all i ever wanted was you
your love
i had
but now for me
you don't feel the same
like you had before
you change quickly and
i'm left without
i don't want to be
don't care to be
don't care
don't care
want out
want dead
i wish i were dead

sometimes i feel like a motherless child

in darkness
alone in a room
alone in a crowd
alone
in darkness
is where i've spent most of my days
crying mad
crying like a child
aware and afraid
and alone
and it hurt - so bad
my heart and my soul and my everything-
hurt so bad-
i hurt so bad trying hard not to
trying hard to connect
trying hard to find connections to something -
to anything in this fucking world.
feeling all the time like i just didn't belong
feeling like no one wanted me
i didn't even want me anymore.
the most of me just wanted to die.
and death consumed me
obsessed with the idea of wanting to die
obsessed with the fear of actually dying
afraid of why