yeah my hands are shakin'

make a bunch of excuses
up
and pour out
of your insides
inside out
you are
i am
invisible
to your heart right now
want to make me
make you disappear forever?
well you're doing a fine job so far
on your own
make up some lies
cover up some tracks
in your head it makes up for
all that lacks
but the cloud your head is stuck in
is too thick
you can hardly see
the real world through
you don't know how it feels to be handed
a bunch of bullshit on a platter
time and time again
cause my feelings to you don't matter
you show it
and show it
time and time
and time
again
soon you won't be somebody to me
soon you won't even be somebody that once was
you're making me make you into nothing
you're making me erase you from my brain
for good
the only way for me
to stay sane
to stay somewhat sane
after the fucked up shit you put me through
after all the bullshit that makes up you
clean up
wash away
take out the trash
disinfect
the parts you  infected
affected
effected 
  i got no more room
to house
a life sucker
little fucker like you

i piss you goodbye
and watch as i flush you down
where you belong

 

sometimes i feel like a motherless child

in darkness
alone in a room
alone in a crowd
alone
in darkness
is where i've spent most of my days
crying mad
crying like a child
aware and afraid
and alone
and it hurt - so bad
my heart and my soul and my everything-
hurt so bad-
i hurt so bad trying hard not to
trying hard to connect
trying hard to find connections to something -
to anything in this fucking world.
feeling all the time like i just didn't belong
feeling like no one wanted me
i didn't even want me anymore.
the most of me just wanted to die.
and death consumed me
obsessed with the idea of wanting to die
obsessed with the fear of actually dying
afraid of why