Monday, December 31, 2012

Secret lover

You are
new
And fun
And your kiss
Pours
A taste
Of
sex and sweet
Like candy
And rum
And wild desire
Your touch
And tongue
Sets my soul on fire

But you are someone who is close to
My last love
The one who broke my heart
The one who spent many years
Keeping us apart
If he only knew
The truth about Me and you
And who
You are
And what you mean to me now


Thursday, December 27, 2012

too late for goodbyes

you dropped me back off at my house right now
5:30 am
time of death
or time of birth?
we spent our last night together
our last few hours
ha it's funny how sad that sounds now
when i look at it in writing 
it makes me even more sad to see it there
and know that it's really over

my love for you isn't gone yet
that will take far more time
than i'd like to admit
and much more time
than i would like for it to
but we all mourn the way we do

i loved you so much more
than i wanted to
maybe more than you
looking up at my wall
to the record clock you made
for me
and the song
"too late for goodbyes"
it hits my heart
makes my insides hurt and yearn and love
and i burn for you
the way we were
back then
i wish we could live that time again
but
i don't think you were ever ready for me
i waited for you but you never came around
 but if i could go back
to the beginning
when we first fell in love
when we first began
and do it all over again
i would
in a hearbeat
i would

but now
it's not too late
for goodbyes

goodbye love...


 

Friday, December 21, 2012

It's the end of the world as we know it

Unclenched fist
Cut The strings
Of (k)nots
Between
You kept a hold on
To keep me on a string
To dangle
stringing along
You were wrong
Tied up and tangled
Hung up and strangled
I was put down
Pulled in
pushed away
All
around
And left somewhere
In the mess
That is you
Sit
Stand
Lay
Stay
Come
go
No
No sorry
No sorries 
You might
Be sorry
But how do you really know
what it is to be sorry
Now
When you were never sorry then
I
Break it off 
And
Bleed it out 
And
Let it go

 don't ever look back
All that's back there
Is  old
And nowhere
A waste of time 
I'd rather waste 
Somewhere else


I dropped you 
Off some deserted road
Some Far away place
Nowhere near my heart
Nowhere to be found.
At the end of the road
At the end of my rope 
Without a sound




;)

And I feel fine





Tuesday, December 18, 2012

These are the days

I wish I didn't exist.
Why?
Haven't you done enough already?




So if this is the end

Why does it feel so much like the end? The world.
Yes the world as we know it

Sunday, December 16, 2012

something stupid about something stupid

i got nothing
everything i got that means a lot
gets shot
down and back at me....
you don't even see
do you want to feel how it feels?
i don't even think
that you think
that you even hurt me
 but you hurt me
----
it's as simple as this
if you wanted my love
and you wanted me
you would show me love
you would have me
if you wanted it to be right
if you really wanted it to be good

then why would you fight
me
and fight my love
you wouldn't.

you can make excuses but the biggest excuse
is you 

if you loved me
i would see it
i would feel it
i would have it
and i wouldn't feel bad
like i do
whenever i am around you

i really wanted it
before it was
what it is
now

i know you're not there
you
have always
not be there

some
things
you
can
never
ever
repair
once broken


.... and that

i am.....
 

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

;)

i may be a light sleeper
but 
I'm a heavy dreamer









 

Friday, December 07, 2012

just a thought

you say such funny things
you don't want to give me the wrong idea
???
you don't want to break my heart
?
nothing against you-
but you can't break a heart that you don't have
no offense
if anything
i would watch out for your own heart
cause
i creep in
maybe slow
you won't even know
it until
one day you do
but i'll be gone
i'm more likely to break your heart
than you are with mine

mine is already broken
damaged goods
beyond repair???

the more i talk 
the less and less
i care

 

sometimes it gets so lonely

sometimes it gets so lonely
i think
i
could
very well
disappear
but then that would be
too easy
and
too comforting
---
maybe tonight
i needed you
more
than
you
know
-
maybe more than you're willing to give
and if it's more than you're willing to give
then you
are
NOT
the one for me
right now

at this moment
i could
cry my
insides out
and pour myself all
over the ground
you walk on
and you wouldn't even notice

to be lonely
in a crowded house
 to be selfish
for once
don't fall in love with me
i'll only disappoint




 

home is where the blah blah blah blah

i can't stay here
this is not
fun
this is not
love
this is not
good
this is like grade school
first day
kind of shit
and people
are hard to
really know
people are hard
to be with
to be around
makes me feel a little sick to my stomach
why do we have to make each other feel
so
small
and unimportant
?????
maybe to make
ourselves feel better
---
the only thing i want
is to feel
like i belong
like i'm at home
and this
is not
that




Wednesday, December 05, 2012

how old you are is not how old you are

i'm 31 years old (and young) today
december 5th
walt disney
little richard
me

ten years ago i spent this day
at hooters
ordering a pitcher of beer
just because i could
then i went to the sex shop down the street
cause i was horny
and after your first alcoholic beverage
in public
legally
makes a just-turned 21 year old
HORNY

that was then
and then hasn't changed much to now

happy mother fuckin' (literally why we celebrate this god damn day for me anyways) birthday ME

happy 31st

age means everything
and nothing
all at once

happy birthday k

you know less now
and were so much older when you were 5




the strangest of the strange...

the strangest of the strange...
...i am

star loves the beatles too

star loves the beatles too
yeah i love the beatles too
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