Saturday, November 24, 2012

He's just like my mom

He talks his frustrations out on me
On you
On anyone who will listen or
Anyone who is the room he's in.
What comes out of his mouth
Totally spreads like cancer on everyone around.
"Why does this keep happening"
He asks out loud to no one
But still wanting an answer
I want to say " cause you go into situations with that same shit attitude and you already are thinking the worse. You already set yourself up to fail so then you do"
If I said that he would argue with me
And then we would fight
CAuse he really doesn't want to hear what you have to say
He doesn't really want to change
Unless it takes no effort on his part.
I wish he could see himself like I do
I wish I could see myself like you
We all struggle
We all fail
We all bring each other up at times
We all weigh each other down



"I'm not looking for anything serious"

Well thanks. If you think I was closes off before now I'm forced to be even more. I had limits and too much thought into things that should or could be just natural. People are weird. We want what we can't have and when we can have it we treat it like shit. The funny part is later down the road when we figure out how great it was and when we've finally grow up a bit it quite often is too late. Don't put titles on things. Don't limit yourself whether it be in a relationship or not ready for a relationship. We are where we are and things are as they are and you know what you sign up for. Don't stop something from being in its natural state. Period. If it's not for you then leave it alone. Or let it be.
The minute you put limits on something or someone you end up limiting yourself.
With that said
I let it go.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

i woke up thinking about this

i do not want you
the way you were friday night
was fucking ridiculous
the way you talk to me
and treat me
-
you have no reason for that kind of behavior

i ACTUALLY DO HAVE ENOUGH REASONS
TO LEAVE YOU
WHEN I SEE THAT YOU ARE TREATING ME THE SAME AS ALWAYS

YOU DON'T SEEM TO COMPREHEND WHAT I'VE SAID TIME AND TIME AGAIN

SO WHEN I SEE YOU DO THE SAME SHIT AFTER I'VE EXPLAINED IT
AND AFTER I'VE TRIED TO COMMUNICATE- I CAN ONLY THINK ONE THING

that you're a fucking idiot
or something
cause no one
has ever been so dense and thick headed to not understand why i'm at the point i'm at.
I'M FED THE FUCK UP OF YOUR GAMES AND STUPIDITY
 i'm fed up with you BEING SUCH A BABY VICTIM SPOILED BRAT
WHO EXPECTS SO GODDAMN MUCH FROM SOMEONE HE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE BACK TO ON ANY DEEPER LEVEL

you really have some nerve to force your way back into my life for the 1,000th time and then act as if i have no reason to be upset when you act the same way I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT!!!
WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP SHIT IS THAT?
what kind of fucked up "human being" are you????
ha
the nerve of you to act like i'm the problem
YOU ARE THE PROBLEM
BY ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE THIS PERSON THAT I CAN'T EVEN STAND NOW

HONESTLY I DON'T CARE IF YOU JUST DISAPPEARED AND I NEVER SAW YOU AGAIN
for the first time
with all honestly
i can say that
i would be happy
much happier if you didn't even exist anymore

so call me mean (WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN MEAN TO ME BY keeping me in this STUPID FUCKED UP RELATIONSHIP by making me have hope that it would be different)
so go ahead and try to guilt trip me all YOU WANT
go on and PRETEND THAT YOU'LL BE BETTER
like you always do
WRITE ME A BUNCH OF LIES promising me HOW MUCH YOU'RE be different and try.
but you never do and blah blah blah
i just dislike you

THE POINT IS- you belong far away from me
and i don't want to be anywhere near -you ever again
-
we don't work
and we never will
and NOW
that is fine by me-


READ THIS VERY CAREFULLY if you still do not understand... 

DO I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE?????

YES I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE.... FOR GOOD.
I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT IT THIS TIME. I WANT YOU GONE FROM MY LIFE
ONCE AND FOR ALL-

NOW POOF YOU BETTER BE GONE...
i'm so much happier when you are not around

the end
is the end
of the end

Sunday, November 11, 2012

"i'm dying"

he says
to me
"this is what my days are like"
he's the only  man i trust
and he is the only dad i have
and
he solitude
is killing him
even though
he's the only person
that i truly trust
so if he leaves me
i would
truly
die
inside
and this
is what
i have tonight

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

there are too many like you in this around.

Dating sites aren't for dating anymore
Guys pretend. Girls pretend
You are just another of the same type
on repeat
on feed
You ain't 't anything special
Now
You think you're so good
and  so cool
Or something.
Cause you are up on your high horse
you live with your head stuck up in the clouds
Somewhere
hazy
foggy
cloudy
up there is where
 you can keep the distance of what you want and want you are and who you use.
I'm not interested in someone who isn't very interesting anymore.
And sex when there's nothing else is only so interesting for so long
Until it's not anymore
And when you're not anymore
you're not much different than all the rest
and i can find that

Anywhere
Anytime anyplace
from anyone
that's something
I can do without
You
Or the rest of YOUS
Or them
Or that for that matter
And I matter much more
Than a moment of false lusty lying feelings could ever give by itself.

the strangest of the strange...

the strangest of the strange...
...i am

star loves the beatles too

star loves the beatles too
yeah i love the beatles too
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