Tuesday, September 25, 2012

vanilla milk shake dog

your message
was stupid and pointless

and a waste of my time

i don't like you anymore
not even as a person or a friend
you're not either of those

your ego is all that's left of you now

and i do not miss you

your message reminded me of how
you and your words you hide behind are

the same excuses

i don't miss you or what you're about at all
waste of time and
and love

i've never felt that way about anyone else but you
you don't try
you don't help
you just make the same excuses and do the same thing
yet SAY that you're trying and blah blah blah
who cares?
i don't anymore.

not for you




i have nothing to lose (written sometime long ago today many years apart but now)

(this was written - what seems like now- so long ago)

no matter what you think
or despite whatever has transpired over the last few months
i can honestly say
you were my love
like no one else
you made me feel
 like every human being
especially adult human being should
like a child
like a newborn
like pure
like life
like love
pure love
and i would risk anything
and give up anything
and trade in anything
to have you here
cause i love you
and i miss you
and i love you
and we are more together
than anything
or any one
or future
could ever
the worst feeling in the world
is the emptiness
and the space
that remains from your abscense
this is the worst feeling
cause there's nothing i can do
to change it
i love you
i've loved you from the moment i first set eyes on you
but i know
i know this is
what it is
and i know
that there is nothing i can do
but write
it all out
cause my voice is silent
when it comes to your ears
and what it hears
and my cries and tears
don't even exist in your world 
your world
i don't even know your world
and i never will


Monday, September 24, 2012


don't bother me
with you normie
and shit
it's funny until it's not.
do you think about what you say
how you say what you say
before you say it?

probably not
unless it's your goal
to act like a prick

well maybe you should think a little more about how you come off to others that are not like you


Friday, September 21, 2012

i saw you last night

you came to me in my dreams last night
i woke up to find myself crying inmy sleep
and in the worst pain
i've ever felt in my heart
confused and alone
i call out to you
but i have no voice
and it doesn't matter anyway
you don't hear me
and you don't care
you were right there with me in my dreams
but you were a million miles away
and all i could feel was the space
and the ghost of you that lingers
and the emptiness
and solitude  
that feeling has stayed with me all day
it's something i cannot shake

you can forget me all you want
but mark my words
you will feel the way i feel someday
not a curse
just a fact of life
and when you do you'll think of me
and this moment right now
will actually be
so long ago
and this time i'll be the one 
who's  a million miles away

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

what can i do

in the wake of the night
in the shadows of your step
i await the devil of a man
who returns again and again
i await the madness of a woman
who screams
a scream that still lingers
inside my head and  inside  my heart
the things we do to ourselves - to keep the punishment alive
the things we think and feel
and believe about our own selves
are just the thoughts and feelings
that others made and pushed upon us

we were taught to believe the lies we now believe are true
fear lies
truth loves
but we forget what is true
we once knew
deep down
now replaced
with doubt
and anger
and insecurities
and unhappiness
all comes from fear 
we didn't know good
never treated with care
we were surrounded by fear and sadness
we were rejected by the rejected
we were the neglected
and abandoned
we were the ones left behind

Friday, September 07, 2012

earth shakes

that earthquake
was telling me
 and everyone  else
that all that shit
we hold onto and hang on to
all that shit and all those people
IT don't mean a thing
if it's not in the here and now
it doesn't mean a god damn thing
sometimes mother nature has to shake things up
in order to wake things up

i'm alone
but not for long
i think i've been alone long enough

this is the end of the beginning
and the beginning of the end
and so on and so forth

i'm not waiting around for anything
or anyone anymore

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Swan song

I step outside
To take it all in
This is the only good that i know right now
And sky
And the night
And the moon and stars
I will leave with the good memories I have
Even though they are far from my life now
You cared about finding me guilty
More than you cared about me
I'm just the girl
You didn't really love
You lusted after
And that's all you have left me with
The emptiness of your absence and the worthlessness from your words.
If you knew how bad I felt you might have done things a little different
But you didn't
And this isn't about you anymore
This is about the beauty of
The grace in the last moment
I am here.
Sometimes you get so alone that it just makes sense
Thank you Bukowski
I will miss you the most

being alone never felt so alone

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

I need a fix cause I'm going down

Bust my balls
Take a swing
Pour that rain down some on rain some more
Kick me when I'm down
And then kick me again
Salt the wound
And when I think I've had enough
Do it all over again
Then Do it some more
I can deal with a lot but
So help me "god"
I can't deal with it tonight
Or right now
Muscle relaxers to calm the nerves
Muscles relaxers for the soul
Take me out of this
Or I need to take myself out
Go ahead and look down on me
Cause its easier than looking down on yourself
But We all are in the same kind of boat
We all deal in the unhealthy ways we do
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
goo goo goo joob
Leave it alone
Leave it all alone
For good 

A Shift in Consciousness

A Shift in Consciousness:

It's not that hard.

From Adbusters Blog

The status quo has us at each other’s throats. Mainstream economics sees this as the social ideal. More for you is less for me. Antagonism keeps the cash flowing. Maximize each moment lest someone else gain the market advantage on you. This sounds miserable, and it is, and yet it remains the system that most of us live every day. It’s time for a new model. Occupy economics reaches to a much more historical and spiritual precept. An idea rooted in the concept of love and cooperation: that more for you is more for me. Author of Sacred Economics, Charles Eisenstein, explains Occupy’s new logic of the heart.

Stream Sacred Economics short film in its entirety on March 1.

The Spiritual Crisis of Capitalism | Adbusters Culturejammer Headquarters

The Spiritual Crisis of Capitalism | Adbusters Culturejammer Headquarters

Monday, September 03, 2012

time has come today- by the chambers brothers

Time has come today
Young hearts can go their way
Can't put it off another day
I don't care what others say
They say we don't listen anyway
Time has come today

The rules have changed today (Hey)
I have no place to stay (Hey)
I'm thinking about the subway (Hey)
My love has flown away (Hey)
My tears have come and gone (Hey)
Oh my Lord, I have to roam (Hey)
I have no home (Hey)
I have no home (Hey)

Now the time has come (Time)
There's no place to run (Time)
I might get burned up by the sun (Time)
But I had my fun (Time)
I've been loved and put aside (Time)
I've been crushed by the tumbling tide (Time)
And my soul has been psychedelicized (Time)

Now the time has come (Time)
There are things to realize (Time)
Time has come today (Time)
Time has come today (Time)


Now the time has come (Time)
There's no place to run (Time)
I might get burned up by the sun (Time)
But I had my fun (Time)
I've been loved and put aside (Time)
I've been crushed by tumbling tide (Time)
And my soul has been psychedelicized (Time)

Now the time has come (Time)
There are things to realize (Time)
Time has come today (Time)
Time has come today (Time)


Saturday, September 01, 2012

It just hits you

One day you wake up
And it's all very clear
So you take of loose ends
You take a shower. Look your best. Clean the house
Feed the cats
Listen to the Beatles and when all of those things are taken care of
And you made it so there's no extra mess you kill yourself
You wake up one morning and you think "today's a good day to die"
And it's as simple as that
Everything every thought after that just becomes natural and easy

the strangest of the strange...

the strangest of the strange...
...i am

star loves the beatles too

star loves the beatles too
yeah i love the beatles too