i have nothing to lose (written sometime long ago today many years apart but now)

(this was written - what seems like now- so long ago)

no matter what you think
or despite whatever has transpired over the last few months
i can honestly say
that
you were my love
like no one else
you made me feel
 like every human being
especially adult human being should
again
like a child
like a newborn
like pure
spirit
like life
alive
like love
pure love
should
feel.
and i would risk anything
and give up anything
and trade in anything
to have you here
again
cause i love you
and i miss you
and i love you
and we are more together
than anything
or any one
past
present
or future
could ever
 understand
the worst feeling in the world
is the emptiness
and the space
that remains from your abscense
god
fuck
this is the worst feeling
cause there's nothing i can do
to change it
now
i love you
i've loved you from the moment i first set eyes on you
...
but i know
i know this is
what it is
and i know
that there is nothing i can do
but write
it all out
cause my voice is silent
when it comes to your ears
and what it hears
and my cries and tears
don't even exist in your world 
your world
ha
i don't even know your world
and i never will

i
never
 fucking
 will....