i can't talk to you or see you anymore.

why do you want it to be this way?
do you like it where it is?
did you ever want more?
when i see you let it be
less than
what i once knew it could be
it hurst
it makes me sick
it makes me want to forget

you don't care what you're doing to it right now
cause it's still here
i'm still here
trying
even though you would like me to not say anything
and just allow us to die slowly
sigh
the only way for you to ever know what you do to the people who love you
is for you to lose
what you thought would always be there
for you no matter how many times
you wouldn't

the hardest thing for me to do
is to say goodbye to someone i truly loved
i never felt as strongly as i do
right now about having to
walk away
and leave you behind
 you won't appreciate me if i stay
you don't even know
what you're doing
to this
to us
right now
you don't even realize how special our love was
how much i loved you
you just kicked it down to it's place once it was down
you never helped it get back up
you don't see that right now
but you will
and for a little while at least it will haunt you
cause that's what the ghost of things do

i never asked you for something i knew you couldn't do
what i was asking for was just something you wouldn't do

i never saw that you really wanted me around enough for me to stay
you showed me all the things to make me go away

 

whore it up and don't give a fuck

whore it up

don't give a fuck

until you find something worth giving a fuck about

...

sigh...

wait ...

imagine just came on the radio

and it makes me want to cry

cause all i wanted was to be a part of something 

all i wanted was to be important enough to you

but it's not you

it's not even love

if it's like this

it's not you 

it's him and him and especially 

the big man who started it all

who started me anyways

he's the one i'm wanting to be important enough to

he's the one who started this feeling inside me

but i'm the one who will end it 

cause you...

you were just a painful reminder

of what i lack

and what i will always yearn for 

even with the best therapy and years of treatment

ha!

you were just a filler to keep me feeling the empty and the rejection

cause i feed off the hurt and the pain that never stops
i feed off the hurt and the pain that hasn't killed me.... yet

cause you know it is bound to get to anyone

the missing and the empty is bound to take over

the shit is gonna get to me someday

i can only take what i can take for so long

-- and what that means to me is not some morbid cry for help

i won't kill myself now 

i'm too old for that shit

but when the shit hits the fan

and too much is too much

 a part of me won't be alive 

like before 

and that 

is okay 

it has to be okay

i make it okay by escaping in many

i won't cry today

now i am okay

cause you can't fuck with 

something and expect it to not fuck back 

so for now

i will deal with my hurt and pain and blah blah blah

by fucking everything in site

and that means sexx

cause at least that's something i can do

right 

and do without giving a fuck

if it ain't you

whore it up baby

cause it's the only way 

it's the only way

until you find a better way 

sometimes i feel like a motherless child

in darkness
alone in a room
alone in a crowd
alone
in darkness
is where i've spent most of my days
crying mad
crying like a child
aware and afraid
and alone
and it hurt - so bad
my heart and my soul and my everything-
hurt so bad-
i hurt so bad trying hard not to
trying hard to connect
trying hard to find connections to something -
to anything in this fucking world.
feeling all the time like i just didn't belong
feeling like no one wanted me
i didn't even want me anymore.
the most of me just wanted to die.
and death consumed me
obsessed with the idea of wanting to die
obsessed with the fear of actually dying
afraid of why