hydrogen carbon and rust

soup hydrogen soup carbon 

truths scratched from the dirt 

rusting trucks 

die with years
in dry grass below

and with vultures above 

in waiting 

hungry like the old

hungry like the forgotten
waiting in line

for the dead

to come

waiting 

like we wait 

to die

march 3rd- i can't write for shit

spent saturday night
in a hotel
with you
-
crazy as that sounds
it used to inspire
something
adventures
and moments
that made me love
and made me feel good

but now
it doesn't excite
or inspire
it doesn't make me
feel like i can move mountains
or conquer the world
with my love
cause i don't feel the love
anymore
like once before
you kept us down

there's no movement
there's no growth
there's no life
cause this isn't loving
and this isn't living
cause you and i aren't in love anymore
i love you
and i care about you
enough to let you go

i don't want to see you ruined
i'd rather feel you
in love so crazy so wild
i'd rather go mad from love
than insane from
existing and watching our love as it goes away
fades away
that is the worst thing
i could ever imagine
the one thing i would never want
to go through
set it on fire
watch it burn
while it's still up in flames
we turn
and run away

never watch it die
never fade away

blah

i can't talk to you or see you anymore.

why do you want it to be this way?
do you like it where it is?
did you ever want more?
when i see you let it be
less than
what i once knew it could be
it hurst
it makes me sick
it makes me want to forget

you don't care what you're doing to it right now
cause it's still here
i'm still here
trying
even though you would like me to not say anything
and just allow us to die slowly
sigh
the only way for you to ever know what you do to the people who love you
is for you to lose
what you thought would always be there
for you no matter how many times
you wouldn't

the hardest thing for me to do
is to say goodbye to someone i truly loved
i never felt as strongly as i do
right now about having to
walk away
and leave you behind
 you won't appreciate me if i stay
you don't even know
what you're doing
to this
to us
right now
you don't even realize how special our love was
how much i loved you
you just kicked it down to it's place once it was down
you never helped it get back up
you don't see that right now
but you will
and for a little while at least it will haunt you
cause that's what the ghost of things do

i never asked you for something i knew you couldn't do
what i was asking for was just something you wouldn't do

i never saw that you really wanted me around enough for me to stay
you showed me all the things to make me go away

 

you mean more

with all the talk
i've had
a lot
and
a lot
of
men
that have passed my way....
most just names
of kinds
of love
and such
like stepping stones
all have touched me in some
kind of way
but few of those
i've known
have reached
me
like you-
deep
deeper
than i can say
and after one
or two
and more
of
broken hearts
and
broken days
just broken

i need someone like you.
after the cry
and the howl
and the taste of dirt
and the i don't knows
the worst of hurt
i want someone like you.
no name other than love
no place other than my heart
you are more to me than the lines between us
that we put around us
that we allow to be us
you are someone more
someone special
in my life
in my heart
in more
than just talk
that means more than
the talk
that life talks up
you mean more
and
fill me more
than
the way
the talk
and the fake
means
and fills up
in life 
and in my days
_______________________________________

the sweetest of the sweet - a memory of we

in you room
on your bed
i am driven to write
in the early hours of morning
i find myself in love with you
you sit in the chair that sits between
your desk and me
you dig through your many tapes of sound art and soul
a record of time and creation
you shuffle through the collected pieces of you
you start
press play/ stop/fast foward/ play
stop turn over
play once more.
i can't help but watch and enjoy
as you enjoy remember excite
i listen as you shuffle through
PLAY
stop play
....... NOISE
a sound attack in the very best way
the sound of the devil and god leap out from the tiny speaker of your ancient machine.
i can feel your fire
i am so in love with you
--- ...yes but something about you and us
and we - leaves me uneasy
a feeling i can't seem to shake
feeling with and without at the same time
i listen to your songs
and continue to write
pen and paper and breath is all i got right now







stop fast foward
collected pieces of you