hydrogen carbon and rust

soup hydrogen soup carbon 

truths scratched from the dirt 

rusting trucks 

die with years
in dry grass below

and with vultures above 

in waiting 

hungry like the old

hungry like the forgotten
waiting in line

for the dead

to come

waiting 

like we wait 

to die

the last night of me-

put yourself out there
you will learn better
one of these days when
you've been chewed up and spit out
so many times
you're not even solid aymore
and love
ha
loving the wrong people is all you seem to do
until you those wrong people
have brought out everything
that ever made you break
as a child
but you're an adult now
and when you break
you shatter
into dust

when all the people you loved so much
find their way
they will have already killed you
you will be gone
and dead
and it won't matter to you
you were the sacrafice
you were the lesson
you were not made for this world
so
close your eyes
it's time to let your body
and everything else
go

i don't know what i would do without my distractions

had to leave

had to get out of the head i was in

and the only place to go

was back

to the start

back home

go home

home to me

wherever that may be

saw a friend

and throughout the day - a few more

distractions keep me alive

in a crowded room

i found you again

i saw you again

tonight

and when other things

i once knew

fade and die

all around me

your face in a room of many

fills the space

another left empty

and that

tonight

 is all

i need to get by.

it makes the others die

while i am distracted by something else

and that something else

right now

is

you.

this is the end

i can see that this time there is no return
and everything that ever was
is leaving
is far gone
is just a stranger
like before

you won't see me any more
and i won't see you
and i'm glad-
cause i wasn't me
anymore
with you

i don't care to see you anymore

I've always been around
now I'm going away
i need to be away
from you
I'm lost tonight.
so fucking lost.
i feel so alone
but i know this is the only way for right now.
in the comforts of my bathroom
the only place i feel safe
the only room with lock on the door
i run the water of the bathtub
i listen
i start to cry
the sound of water speaks to me
in times like these
it's all i have and all i know when i need to escape
and even though
I'm a mess right now inside my heart
for some reason
i know i will be okay
--- without you -- i will be fine
i don't feel you with me anymore
i don't think you ever really were
not really anyways...
now less than ever
i just know that having you be this way again
has done something to me
i see you differently now
the way i feel about you has changed

what damaged goods

2:37 am
it's the nights like this that really shake me up.
with my bedroom window open
the air is sharp and i want it to rain
it's nights like this where i really see what i'm made of -
it's like i'm standing on the edge
always on the edge
ready to jump
fall? ready to fly away.
how could i feel something so strong  just a week ago
only to lose it now- like it was never there.
a trick i was taught at an early age?
most likely.
and when i think about it for a minute...
it makes me kinda sad that i wish i could feel it again
but it's gone.
yes... that one is gone forever
and i am here
dancing on my edge of the night
ready to jump fall leap fly whatever
ready to dance the only way i know how
it's the nights like this
that i live for.

master of make believe

i knew this day would come at last
i lived waiting for the end to come in fast
waiting for it -waiting from you
you handsome devil and the harm you can do
i knew better than get too close
i had little to nothing for you
but somewhere in between sheets and bodies turned upside down
turned hearts around
and waiting for the end
begins to start
soft sweet dangerous skin
didn't even see you creep on in
in the back of my mind i know i'm just another girl
one more notch on your belt
one more link on your chain
then jump on out with the next passing train
you kind ain't my kind.
you charmed my ass blind
yes mister man... you are good. so very good at what you do
sweet talker fast walker
you get around
but it still didn't stop me til then
and when
i got lost looking for you
looking all around
it was then that i found
only an empty space
a fleeting face
not even a sound
in a silent forgotten room
with just the shadow of a friend
-only playing pretend
the makings of an end.
leaking hearts
dancing in echoes
i dance alone
the only remains of you
remains unknowna
the master of love 'em and leave
you are the king of make believe