bathroom floors and locked doors

chocolate covered pretzels
a bottle of cheap wine
and a pack of cigarettes
that's all i need
some nights
no sex
no boys
no company
except for my cats -
who keep scratching at my door
i spend much of my time
locked in small spaces
like bathrooms
bathrooms
are to me
like sucking thumbs
and security blankies 
safe
and comforting

10:38 pm flow

found myself
alone
but not
i guess sometimes
that's where i have to be
cause the brain and
the heart
don't always
go
right along with
that of others
so in sync
in sync out
i fall all about
this and that
is
and is not
where
it's at
what is it
what it is not
my thoughts
get caught
up in the
mix
i need a fix
cause i'm going down ;)
you don't have to call me
tonight
tomorrow
or ever
if you never
do anyways
you don't have to be around
cause then i know you won't won't on your own
your ghost is all
i've ever known
the only thing that's shown
is the
fade
out and in
again
i need a lot tonight
but not from you
not from anyone else
but me will do
i find comfort in the facts thrown at me
that i don't even care to hear
but you care to say
i know i'll miss it
and you someday

drive to get lost somewhere with you

you know how much i crave you…
so much i devour you and
spit pieces of you out
and all over
me 
i am covered in you 
just to leave you
and disappear as i do
just to leave you 
with the memory 
and the smell 
of me 
until the next time
we meet 
in back seats
in secret spaces 
and in dark alleys again