killed it

if someone says they miss you
be happy that they do

the last night of me-

put yourself out there
you will learn better
one of these days when
you've been chewed up and spit out
so many times
you're not even solid aymore
and love
ha
loving the wrong people is all you seem to do
until you those wrong people
have brought out everything
that ever made you break
as a child
but you're an adult now
and when you break
you shatter
into dust

when all the people you loved so much
find their way
they will have already killed you
you will be gone
and dead
and it won't matter to you
you were the sacrafice
you were the lesson
you were not made for this world
so
close your eyes
it's time to let your body
and everything else
go

To the heart that's breaking

Don't break over something you know isn't worth it
Not when you know
The minute you let go
Is the minute you feel
The love that surrounds you

Stop
And see
Feel
It and
Let go
Don't look back
Or hold on
Get out from where you are
Right now
And drive
To wherever
Feels good

That feeling you have
Right now
Is change
You know
Now
There is no reason or desire
To ever return to something
You no longer have
In your heart
You are now
Where you were meant to be
And that
Is
The greatest movement one can make

Yesterday will run around in circles
and continue the rat race loop forever even without you

i bruise me easily with grace

throw the next gesture
chant by night
for our new messy dream
brush above pencil figures
laugh at me and my monkey impression
pop goes my pop up ballet
an original masterpiece
of glorious flame
colored in wild blue
covered me in mad
drips of color covered glow
you can light or shadow
blend or blur
take or make the fold
it's all up to you
you chooooose
me or ooze me
all over city street
and concrete static
use me with each passing face
jumping beds and bones
lose me somewhere without a trace
between the sheets
of strangers
i
bruise me
easily
with grace
refrain
recall
it means everything and nothing at all
recline to form
use me down to nothing
as i build to pieces
not built to last
i rewind  in movement
double fast
you move right through me
with you mind
 and print me out in copies
with your call
paint me open
and pour me
in nothing
shut out nothing but
the absolute feel
made to steal
made for show
package me up
nice and pretty
finish me off with a bow
i am flesh candy
frantic and absurd
almost never together with you
fly me off to my next
dream
amuse me less
but my monkey much more

You

Suck

i'm not in love

torn paper
taped to a door
to cover a hole
punched in
punched out
hole puncher
rock paper scissors
wood
blood sweat
tears
lodged inside
flesh and skin
the splinter
stuck within
that dead old winter
stuck inside the dead
of old
dead is past
dead of us
long ago
what you can't take back
someday you will know

there i go
there i go
there i go

 

waterloo sunset

there's no we
now

there never really was to begin with

 --------------------------------------------

waterloo sunset - by the kinks

Dirty old river, must you keep rolling
Flowing into the night
People so busy, makes me feel dizzy
Taxi light shines so bright
But I don't need no friends
As long as I gaze on waterloo sunset
I am in paradise

Every day I look at the world from my window
But chilly, chilly is the evening time
Waterloo sunsets fine

Terry meets julie, waterloo station
Every friday night
But I am so lazy, don't want to wander
I stay at home at night
But I don't feel afraid
As long as I gaze on waterloo sunset
I am in paradise

Every day I look at the world from my window
But chilly, chilly is the evening time
Waterloo sunsets fine

Millions of people swarming like flies round waterloo underground
But terry and julie cross over the river
Where they feel safe and sound
And the don't need no friends
As long as they gaze on waterloo sunset
They are in paradise

Waterloo sunsets fine

My baby's on the level

I Want to
Go
Back
To that time


But it's over
And it's time
For me to move on

to my last love

to my last love

you were never really there to begin with
you didn't make me feel very loved
in the end - it wasn't up to me to try and make us work. i did that for years and you still didn't care to make it right.
i have my faults but when it comes to you and i -
and why i don't love you anymore
it's because of you. 100%.
you kept me out of your life. you kept me hidden. you never validated our relationship or me even though you knew that hurt me. even though you promised me you would - i trusted your word and your heart over and over again... but that was me being a fool.
all the other "issues" didn't matter if you couldn't even be open about our "relationship" to the other people in your life. cause then there is no relationship. and if there's no real relationship then your issues with me could be treated the same way you treated me and what i wanted--- not important enough to change. you ignored my needs and feelings for so long that  i don't love you anymore.

today i cried a bit when i thought of how much i loved you and how amazing it once felt
but
that was so long ago
you were careless and took my love for granted
 and now it's gone
i don't have it anymore
for you
i don't want it anymore either
i wasted a lot of myself
running around circles with you.

amuse me

amuse me
muse me
use me
as long as you use me
beautifully - 
i could use that sort of distraction right now
lose me
under the covers
of your bed
lost up somewhere 
inside your head
inside your heart
that's where i want to be
i don't care
i just want to be where
ever
you are
right now
late night lovers
should never go away