you mean more

with all the talk
i've had
a lot
and
a lot
of
men
that have passed my way....
most just names
of kinds
of love
and such
like stepping stones
all have touched me in some
kind of way
but few of those
i've known
have reached
me
like you-
deep
deeper
than i can say
and after one
or two
and more
of
broken hearts
and
broken days
just broken

i need someone like you.
after the cry
and the howl
and the taste of dirt
and the i don't knows
the worst of hurt
i want someone like you.
no name other than love
no place other than my heart
you are more to me than the lines between us
that we put around us
that we allow to be us
you are someone more
someone special
in my life
in my heart
in more
than just talk
that means more than
the talk
that life talks up
you mean more
and
fill me more
than
the way
the talk
and the fake
means
and fills up
in life 
and in my days
_______________________________________

it doesn't mean that i want you

i fall in love all the time
with the small things that make me smile
in a moment
unexpected
intense
exciting
then gone
-
you happen to be my latest favortie flavor
just something i enjoy for now
it doesn't mean i want you
it doesn't even mean i like you
it just means

- don't let it get to your head-
cause that would kill it for me
 and i don't want you to die
yet



 _____________________________________________________

i'm in the middle of your picture -lying in the leaves

fluff

you say that i am the same old
bad you'd like to think i am
you'd like to blame
i am the same to you
when you still treat me like shit
oh !
it devistates me
it breaks me for a moment
but then i know
that you like to put it all on me
when you are just the same
when you do not want to change
you have lost me
tonight
your excuses have run dry
you have run cold
you are fluff
just fluff
like so many know you are
like so many see you to be
like i know and see
you to be
i am done with pretending that you are something more
and better
and worth
holding on to
this is where i am
this is where you have put me
accept it now
cause before long
you won't even know me around at all
i am happy for that
i am happy
you can't do this to me ANYMORE
anymore
anymore
any
more
no
no
more
hahahaha
fluff
puff
rough
should be ruff
ha
stuff
just stuff
is all it is
the past is just a goodbye
remember that tonight
(i say to myself)
:)
the past is just a goodbye.
goodbye

gone and buried in a little plastic body bag

i got a little baggie in my pocket
down my pants
in my bra
ha!
bring me up 
and then
bring me down
just the way
he did
like i've always done
to myself
ha
you
me
dirty
flirty
with disaster
i do not write
you right me all wrong
twirl me up a whirlwind
of bad
i am
shit
in a baggie
of chemical funk
the plastic me
i keep in a trunk
to come up on
and come down
in defeat
i don't want you to respond
i know you never do
you are the never
and the no
i rest easy upon
mister new replaces mister man
replaces something else and so on
replaces mr man
come over me now new
this is what i have become
this is what i need

____________________________________--


 




















   

two eyes staring cold in silence - we fade to grey

i don't think about you very much
when i do it's usually a reminder of how bad our relationship was
cause it was
last night was the first time in months where thinking about you and us made me sad
i was thinking about the magic and the good feelings we had between us -
i was holding on to only particles
the little itsy bitsy broken pieces of good we had
that now feels cheap. even if it felt good and true to me then - knowing how you are and how you've been to me makes it all seem false now.
holding on to anything that has to do with you - is a waste of time now
cause keeping me it's not important to you 
and keeping you is definitely not important to me 
there's no need to even say goodbye this time
it's spent
it's dull
it's juiced
it's faded away past recognition 
it's dead
and i don't care anymore


______________________________________________________


       

i won't let you in

not this time

i can't 

not anymore

i am scared of what being close to you

will do to me

i am scared

of you

i keep you a distance away from my heart

and my love

you won't get inside this time

many times i let you in 

you had me

you had me and you trashed me

not once

not twice

more times than i can count

more times than i can forget

more times 

now no more

- you want in again

but i keep you where you don't matter much

i keep you where you belong - and that place is not with me

i can't love you like i did

i won't ever love you like that again

it's too late 

i won't ever let you in again