PLEASE JUST GO AWAY

he's a 33 year old child

that i don't want 

i don't need

tonight 

made me see everything he really is 

and it's everything i really hate.

tonight 

i rid myself of him 

once and for good-

he's a fool 

and you can't teach a fool

something he doesn't want to learn

he will behave like a fool

he will drink and be a drunk

until the day 

he wants to change himself for himself

until then

he will continue to be 

the way he's always been 

but i won't take your calls tomorrow

i won't answer 

i won't reply

i won't respond to your bullshit anymore

i won't acknowledge your existence after this

giving you the time of day

letting you back in my life

ONLY MAKES YOU DO IT MORE

like a spoiled child

spoiled rotten

rot

away 

alone.

i'm sick of you and your bullshit

i'm sick of your stammer

i'm sick of your drunk drool spit spatting all over my life

grow up

be accountable for your actions

don't bother me after you fucked up

i'm not with you anymore 

your actions have consequences 

DEAL

WITH 

IT!

I SHAKE YOU OFF 

i spit you out

i rid myself 

....of

you

once and for all

today...

don't feel like being much of a person

don't feel like getting out of bed

or answering my phone

...

is there somebody 

out there

????

that 

will understand me 

... finally???

rejected 

neglected

...

sometimes

i just want to 

go away

new years resolution -

resolution
solution
evolution
evolve
-ve
evol
turned around is
love
--------------
i would like this year to be about finding my way
without going about it the hard way first
maybe that's where i've been wrong
maybe i've been going about it the easy way
the way that's easiest to me
which is to fight
and to yell
and to scream
and to knock myself and everyone around me down
maybe the hard way is to stay calm
and not react
to not let everything or everyone get the better of me

just remember
breathe
and refrain
and love

hell is empty and all the devils are here

i don't know what i would do without my distractions

had to leave

had to get out of the head i was in

and the only place to go

was back

to the start

back home

go home

home to me

wherever that may be

saw a friend

and throughout the day - a few more

distractions keep me alive

in a crowded room

i found you again

i saw you again

tonight

and when other things

i once knew

fade and die

all around me

your face in a room of many

fills the space

another left empty

and that

tonight

 is all

i need to get by.

it makes the others die

while i am distracted by something else

and that something else

right now

is

you.

Nothing left

How little you try to keep me around
truth is the only time you really try is when I'm gone and can't be found.
This time I won't say the same thing to you... I won't tell you how I feel. I know nothing I say will make you change or make you see...
the way you are is killing me.
You don't give even an inch where it helps. You just stand in the same place and never budge. always your way which now I see is no way -not for me
I'm leaving you there
Nowhere
with nothing more
And nothing left

free

you can remember why you liked me when i'm gone.
you can forget about me right in the now
when it's been like this for now and many days
but i will take you as you are and as you have been
i will take you as far away as you remain
i will let  you be you
as you i let you pass on by me
i will sit back and watch you
but from now i remain free
from effort and energy wasted
from expectations that left me
spent down to pennies
trying to keep up in a material world
trying to keep up
trying to do something
trying to be
something
anything
other than be
the way we will
i've stopped trying
i've stopped buying
i've stopped crying
i've stopped dying
i've been lying to myself
to be any other
is not the way
now i see
now
i will just sit under the sun
and not be shaken
or rattled or changed by you
or anything that can't be undone
accept change comes
as a part of the cycle
and to know but never know when
is just a part of life.
i do not fight
i do not force
i can only see and allow it to  be
what it is
whatever it is
and myself too
for you are who you are
and i am who i am
i am nothing
if that helps
you
let
sleeping dogs lie
if that helps
 you
let what is already dying die
and remember the past is just a goodbye
to let go is the only way
we shall
 live again