lovers almost done

there's one or two
or ten maybe
thirty-five
eighty-two
maybe less maybe more
names and faces
hearts and tongues
beds and limbs
sheets and lips
words and sweat
drinks and drugs
sounds and songs
tastes and smells
places and moments
men and women
most were music makers,
artists
performers
writers
wife beaters, women haters,women lovers, weirdos,
rockstars, wanna-be rockstars, haters,
bed wetters, addicts, dealers, daddys,  habitual liars,
mad men, handsome devils,
many devils
i was lost
and so were they
night after night
i would find myself in another strangers bed
and sometimes i'd really find myself for a moment
other times i would leave more lost than i was before i came
strangers turned lovers
lovers turned strangers
some don't turn at all-
- i need strangers and beds
right now
to fill my nights
to fill my fix
i am broken
badly
more lost now
than before


i am broken
badly broken
yearning for someone
love lost
me
lose me
tonight somewhere
i need to forget
all of it

for no one

pour my guts out
spill over my insides
bare all my sad self
i come out of hiding- my love - i was hiding
my love
and my sad self-
stayed hidden
my love STAYED hidden
under shades
under shadows
and a devil between us
we got the world between us
but the fear is what keeps me from reaching you
when i only want to be close to you but you keep me
a distance away.
i'm always outside knocking on your door
i'm always the one thing you ignore






there's never an answer
i get no reply
waited with love
for you
knocking
for no one
waiting for no one
no more

a not-so-great bucket list i got on facebook and decided to fill out

(x ) Gone on a blind date

(X) Skipped school

(x) Watched someone die

( ) Been to Canada

(X) Been to Mexico

( x) Been to Florida

( x) Been to Hawaii

( x) Been somewhere tropical

(X) Been on a plane

(x ) Been on a helicopter

(X) Been lost

( ) Gone to Washington, DC

(X) Swam in the ocean

(X) Cried yourself to sleep

(x) Played cops and robbers

(X) Recently colored with crayons

(X) Sang Karaoke

(X) Paid for a meal with coins only

( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.

(X) Made prank phone calls

( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere

() Made a snowman

() Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Danced in the rain

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunset with someone

(X) Blown bubbles

(X) Gone ice-skating

(X) Gone to the movies

(x ) Been deep sea fishing

(X) Driven across the United States

( x) Been in a hot air balloon

( ) Been sky diving

( ) Gone snowmobiling

(x ) Lived in more than one country

(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets

(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish

( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser

(x ) Seen the Statue of Liberty

(x ) Been on a cruise

(X) Traveled by train

(X) Traveled by motorcycle

(X) Been horse back riding

(X) Been to Disneyland --- or Disney World

(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer!!!!!

( ) Been in a rain forest

(X) Seen whales in the ocean

( ) Been to Niagara Falls

(X) Ridden on an elephant

( ) Swam with dolphins

( ) Been to the Olympics

( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China

( ) Been water-skiing

( ) Been snow-skiing

(x ) Been snorkeling

( ) Been to Westminster Abbey

( ) Swam in the Mediterranean

(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game

() Been to a National Football League game

(X) Thrown up after riding a roller coaster or other carnival ride

(X) Buried a pet

(x ) Auditioned for a television show

(X) Peed in the woods

( ) Visited the Taj Mahal

( ) Been to Iran

( ) Given birth

(x ) Rode the San Fransico trollies

( ) Walk on the bridge at Royal Gourge

(X) Been knocked out

(x ) Been to a National Hockey League game

( ) Been to Jamaica

(x ) Won a school spelling bee

(x ) Been on TV

( ) Hit a 'hole in one' in golf (not miniature)

(x ) Spoke with someone over 100 years old

( ) Been to all 50 states

(x ) Been to the top of the Empire State Building

() Fallen asleep in church

( ) Been to a World Series Game (Does not apply to Cub Fans)

( ) Been to a High School Football State Championship Game

(X) Wet your pants

(X) Lied to your mother

(x ) Rode the NYC Subway

( ) Been to Africa

( ) Ridden a gondola in Venice

(x ) Saw the Vegas lights from above

( ) Been to the Alps

( ) Saw the Grand Canyon

( )Got married

(x ) Saw a play on Broadway

(X) Been Tailgating

(x) Found the love of your life

( ) Been to a Bob Dylan Concert

(x ) gotten a tattoo that really meant something

( ) been to CREATION!

(X) Stood on top of a mountain

(X) Appeared in a play outside of school

( ) Been to a Championship Boxing Match

( )Been to see the Pope

( ) Swam with sea lions

() Been Zip-lining

( ) Met a President

(x ) Gone ATV riding

( ) Saw the Jackson Five in the 70's

(x ) Gone streaking

(X) Have a picture of self with a celebrity

( )Run or Walked a Marathon

( ) lived life in a wheel chair

(X)Cooked lunch (or dinner) for 50 or more people

( ) Been to Ireland

( ) Attended a pro rugby match

(X)Driven over 120mph on a freeway

(x ) Pole danced

(x ) Started Your Own Business
 
_--__________________________________________________________
 
 
_- 

the escape

oh boy
i do not miss you
when you say you miss me
but you don't miss me enough to understand
 you don't understand what it is that you do.
i loved you
i really loved you
but you don't know how it feels
you say you do
and act like you know
but i know that you don't because if you did
you wouldn't have left it this way.
you are not loyal and i am so broken
one more month
i am ready for my great escape.

go to hell before i do

i wanna kill myself
no i wanna kill you
no i wanna kill the part of me with you in it
no i wanna kill the part of you inside of me
whatever the fuck
i don't give a shit about who gets who
i just don't want you
making my heart feel the way it does
i wish i was dead

ha ha ha...  you little bitch...
die already


______________________________________________________________________________

        

you mean more

with all the talk
i've had
a lot
and
a lot
of
men
that have passed my way....
most just names
of kinds
of love
and such
like stepping stones
all have touched me in some
kind of way
but few of those
i've known
have reached
me
like you-
deep
deeper
than i can say
and after one
or two
and more
of
broken hearts
and
broken days
just broken

i need someone like you.
after the cry
and the howl
and the taste of dirt
and the i don't knows
the worst of hurt
i want someone like you.
no name other than love
no place other than my heart
you are more to me than the lines between us
that we put around us
that we allow to be us
you are someone more
someone special
in my life
in my heart
in more
than just talk
that means more than
the talk
that life talks up
you mean more
and
fill me more
than
the way
the talk
and the fake
means
and fills up
in life 
and in my days
_______________________________________

it doesn't mean that i want you

i fall in love all the time
with the small things that make me smile
in a moment
unexpected
intense
exciting
then gone
-
you happen to be my latest favortie flavor
just something i enjoy for now
it doesn't mean i want you
it doesn't even mean i like you
it just means

- don't let it get to your head-
cause that would kill it for me
 and i don't want you to die
yet



 _____________________________________________________