she could steal, but she could not rob

you get what you want
but they don't really want you
and
in
the
end
it will be you
washed up
used up
used everyone
/everything up
old
wrinkled
with a tally of millions
you keep track of on the wall
a reminder of the only good you've ever felt about yourself
when you had a pretty face you could push on people
just so they would be around you
even though you have nothing real and no one real and nobody by your side
you were born with a silver spoon handed to you
but it didn't make you a person of worth.
born this way
die this way.


you are the hopeless type that will never change

flip flop

audacious- timorous
overt- covert
vacuous- sententious
virtuoso- tyro
ambiguous- perspicuous
loyalty- apostasy
?

back &

forth
& back
back to back
back to front
back to lack
stack the rack
with
l
a
C
K.
Back to Yak.
then GOES
TO
N O N E

a night with the cat lady

drunk drunk drunk

no more mini vans
no more cat ladies
no more crying and late night angry walks
no more
no more mini skirts
when i'm walking on sawtelle
olympic
from west l.a. to hollywood
no more boyfriends
no more
no more sex
and "i love you"and the fourth of july GONE and went to shit
and then no more whiskey
or bourben
or energy drinks
or late night talks
no more
no more more
and more
or more
no
noe
know
now.....good night
mother fuc kers
yupp
i'm drunk.
yupp

what a mistake

sunday night... was a mistake.

same with tuesday or was it wednesday... ???

???

whatever... same thing.

MISTAKE.

friday was fucked

drowned in drunk (in drink)

and drank myself sick.

made meaningless

(dirty)(sloppy)

drunk calls

talked some shit on the way out of the bar.

mistake... it's been forever and a day since i've gotten that wasted

.and now i'm done.

done with the drinks(ha)

done with the men that don't excite

bore

whore
fall face to floor

... no

more...

*sigh*

the last thing i’ll ever write about you

Current mood: crushed

in passing through the night-
through the dark-
it only takes a moment for you to pull me in---
this isn't something i asked for
or maybe i did (long ago)
but i didn't ask for you
and i didn't want to feel this now
i'm thrown into this
somehow
and
i feel myself falling in
falling for
i feel myself wanting more
but tonight is the end
you know-this is where i stand
with my heart in my hand....
with my soul on my sleeve
it is now time for me to leave
-all i can do
all i can say
my words- my feelings
myself
will too soon fade away

this is the last thing i will ever write about you.

losing it

Current mood: disgusted

i don't feel beautiful

i feel like a fraud

like an old maid

waiting for death

unable to show

anything

i can't get it together

i don't feel free

i feel trapped

wrapped -up

in the web

of destruction

and pain

i look at myself now

and see nothing

i look at myself and see what i once was

what i could have been

and that part of me is so far away

untouchableuncontrolableunobtainable

master of make believe

i knew this day would come at last
i lived waiting for the end to come in fast
waiting for it -waiting from you
you handsome devil and the harm you can do
i knew better than get too close
i had little to nothing for you
but somewhere in between sheets and bodies turned upside down
turned hearts around
and waiting for the end
begins to start
soft sweet dangerous skin
didn't even see you creep on in
in the back of my mind i know i'm just another girl
one more notch on your belt
one more link on your chain
then jump on out with the next passing train
you kind ain't my kind.
you charmed my ass blind
yes mister man... you are good. so very good at what you do
sweet talker fast walker
you get around
but it still didn't stop me til then
and when
i got lost looking for you
looking all around
it was then that i found
only an empty space
a fleeting face
not even a sound
in a silent forgotten room
with just the shadow of a friend
-only playing pretend
the makings of an end.
leaking hearts
dancing in echoes
i dance alone
the only remains of you
remains unknowna
the master of love 'em and leave
you are the king of make believe

lame

you and i hanging out in a social enviroment
is just that.
period.
i'm not your date
i'm not your anything.
besides
you are a sloppy drunk
a meesy slop
drunken mess.
spilling and tripping
all over and about.
you were the one who wasn't fun.
i was being friendly
because you were acting friendly
now you're acting a fool
who the fuck do you think you are?
leaving me stupid messages- like you have any right to say anything about me
you act like a child
you have no clue how to act around people
you're too much to handle
and everyone gets tired of you