sometimes i feel like a motherless child

in darkness
alone in a room
alone in a crowd
alone
in darkness
is where i've spent most of my days
crying mad
crying like a child
aware and afraid
and alone
and it hurt - so bad
my heart and my soul and my everything-
hurt so bad-
i hurt so bad trying hard not to
trying hard to connect
trying hard to find connections to something -
to anything in this fucking world.
feeling all the time like i just didn't belong
feeling like no one wanted me
i didn't even want me anymore.
the most of me just wanted to die.
and death consumed me
obsessed with the idea of wanting to die
obsessed with the fear of actually dying
afraid of why