I didn't change

You did
You will see
Maybe I changed after the change in you
But all I know is that I could love you still
If you weren't so mean
I still love you still
You can have your mean
And I will move on
Again

I...

I love you. I just do. You're so many wonderful things.
Period

I love you.

Oh yeah!

I'm awesome. Oh yeah. And so is this life. Oh yeah. And certain people. Oh yeah!!! Fuck yeah! Amen!

Disappointment

Why is it that the minute I start to open my heart to someone - they shit all over it?
I'm going to keep my distance from now on. It's better this way.

Old

I don't feel well.
I think I may be getting sick
I know I'm getting old
Ugh
Somebody bring me some love
And a Kambucha
And give me softies
Oh yeah I need someone to come here and give me softies

i did what i had to do

whatever gets you through the night
it's alright
it's alright

the little things aren't so little

tonight it's pretty clear
who really cares 
and who does not...
i'm sitting across from him
as i write this
in his room
as he paints
and this is exactly where i want to be
this means more to me
than most of the last three years have
cause i look at who's here with me
and that's all that matters
 
it's the smallest things sometimes that fill that empty space in your heart full of love
i love this
right now
right here
and everything else 
doesn't matter
anymore


i needed this tonight
i needed to see what was out there
i needed to something to make me feel good again
i needed something that would make me walk away for good...



:)


i just realized i've wasted the last 3 years of my life
on someone who isn't very loving, who isn't ever there when it really matters, and who doesn't really care to treat me like he wants to keep me around. all he does is say the same thing over and over but he doesn't SHOW it. he's never shown it until he thinks he's losing me. and now he has. i've been trying to work with someone who doesn't work with me at all...
he makes sure to tell me a bunch of crap about love and bullshit but look at who's here with me now. not him... he's never there when he should be if he wanted to make this better - he wouldn't have left it the way he did. i don't love him anymore. i don't like him. someone else can have him. see how long they put up with his stupid idiotic bullshit excuses and minimal effort. all that matters to him is him and i have no desire to be with someone as selfish and unloving. 

 

the lonliest man that will ever be

i loved you
but
you
were
never
really there
you will be alone
the loneliest man
that ever was
and will ever be
just wait and see...

hazy dark blue
drip
drips
of
stuff 
stale
made to rust
rust
just like
the ugly
feel left
from lust
you like to paint
as a picture of love
when it fits your fill
and when it doesn't
you don't care

if i remain
down where
you always left me
out on the outs
of your living
with so many
i will never know
i will never meet
i've been kept low
to hide on the 
 pitch black side
of the fold
the dark side of cold
drips drops that echo
an orphans cry
to the deaf ears
and a blind sky
you let it go by
bye bye
apart from
and
not a part of 
everything else
that i am not invited to by you
 tonight when i kiss the ideas of love
and the you that isn't you  
goodbye bad bye
i ask you why
i ask you why
would i feel your love
when your love
was never loving to me?
 let's not pretend that you try
cause you barely do much of any thing
that doesn't serve you first
and you ultimately

that you don't have to say
that you show more than love
and more than you know

go -now
       i go