the end

i won't write this where you can read it
cause if i did
you would and i don't want any kind of connection with you -
not now. not anymore.
cause i love you too much
and i need to get over you.
cause i love you too much
and it hurts too much
and you don't wanna hear any of it because
of this and that excuse
but really it's because i'm not what you want.
i'm asking for you to tell me
and you tell me i'm asking too much-
a day later
with no sleep
and a broken heart -
feeling miles apart
and i can't stop crying
--
there is no more to write

go away - i don't want your shit love

i deleted your number
and all the messages
your hot and cold
back and forth
here and there
really hurts me.
with little explanation of why
-other than that is who you are-
yes, it is who you are
...when it comes to me
and
i see it as i am not the one for you-
to grow close only to be pushed apart
leaves me feeling unwanted - unimportant --- like nothing
like i don't matter to you -the way you matter to me
and it's now in your distance
that i need to move on.

tremble on...

Audacious- timorous
overt- covert
vacuous- sententious
virtuoso- tyro
ambiguous- perspicuous
loyalty- apostasy
?
back &
forth
&          back
back to back
back to front
back to lack          
stack the rack
with
L
 a
   C
      K.
Back to Yak.
Fade to Black
on track to
N O N E

got daddy issues

you remind me of my father.

work your way
up up up
so you don't have to be around

greg the pickup artist

you...
pick up
stick up
flick up
the next girl
and over
over again...
i can't trust
i can't lust
i must
get you away
from me.
today is through
yesterday and few
those times i knew
who you are
and what youve always been.
i can't trust this
i can't trust you.
period.
exclaimation point!!
!!!

!

you won't read this
(i'm glad)
all this words you'll miss
lips i want
but
don't want to kiss
You make me sick
(dick)
(lick)
you trick.

ha

no more

goodnight.
the end.

won't let me forget

in the present time
in the things i do
situations i encounter
feelings i encover
people i meet
in most of every thing that happens now in my life
my past is there-
to haunt
to remind
to grow
to teach
to destroy
and even if the past is long gone
and many years away
we can never forget our own
no matter how hard we try
it's there
it won't let us forget
it's there
it's there in the in between time
it's there the spaces
it's there in the silence
and in the voices and
faces and music
it's there in the life of today
at times it creeps in without warning
it knocks me down
i break like a little girl
i cry like a child
i am not prepared
i cannot deal
- for years i try to push it away
i run from it... ignore that it's there
ignore and block any and all associations
and for years i didn't- i couldn't
listen to certain music
go to certain places
see certain places
because all were just a painful reminder of him and that time
i couldn't deal with it
but no matter how much you try and no matter how many years you run from it- sooner or later you have to learn how to deal with it- it's either facing it or it slowly killing you.

 

the ghost of my friends

This is not a prison.
This is a trap.

I am the bait.

___________________________________________________________

Having balls is a good thing
having raw passion is a good thing and a rare thing.
To have both passion AND balls is what makes someone great.

I miss the great ones
I miss the lovers
and the dreamers/creators
I miss the artists
I miss the tortured souls- the poets...the journeymen ...
and I mean the real ones
the real risk takers
the real love makers
the ones that do what they were born to do
unafraid of being who they really are
the ones that live for what they love
and the ones that love to love.
it has nothing to do with image
and everything to do with heart and soul
and pure being
I miss the truth in them
I miss their passion
I miss having them around
I miss them knocking at my bedroom window at 3am
driven by desire
driven by love
and...That feeling -
that wonderful feeling of hope and wonder
and the excitement in life and love

I miss the fire