won't let me forget

in the present time
in the things i do
situations i encounter
feelings i encover
people i meet
in most of every thing that happens now in my life
my past is there-
to haunt
to remind
to grow
to teach
to destroy
and even if the past is long gone
and many years away
we can never forget our own
no matter how hard we try
it's there
it won't let us forget
it's there
it's there in the in between time
it's there the spaces
it's there in the silence
and in the voices and
faces and music
it's there in the life of today
at times it creeps in without warning
it knocks me down
i break like a little girl
i cry like a child
i am not prepared
i cannot deal
- for years i try to push it away
i run from it... ignore that it's there
ignore and block any and all associations
and for years i didn't- i couldn't
listen to certain music
go to certain places
see certain places
because all were just a painful reminder of him and that time
i couldn't deal with it
but no matter how much you try and no matter how many years you run from it- sooner or later you have to learn how to deal with it- it's either facing it or it slowly killing you.