the last days of me

i guess it's pretty simple
you make it pretty clear
cause we show what we feel
more than the words we say do
but
i've been having a hard time
since days before this
since before i could remember
i've been having a hard time
dealing with losing
the people i love so very much
watching the people i love
leave
me
not want me
not are
some were never there to begin with
and here i am again like feeling like a child
feeling like i'm not good enough
feeling love leave me again
feeling the cold air
feeling anything but love
not feeling loved
and all it does

is drive me down
to a place i hate to be
to a place that i can't get back from
not on my own
i never learned how to get back from there
not the right way.
i don't know what to do
now
that
i'm much older
now
 that i'm wanting
waiting
wishing
you were here the way you were before
wishing you were here
all i'm feeling right now is worthless
and less
and less
than
ever
before
hope
less
love
less
the end is feeling close
i can feel your cold
you have become a
stranger
uncomfortable
and unknown
and i
don't know why
i don't you
i just don't know
any
more
the end

this is not okay
i am not going to be okay