I got no love for you

look at what you do. over and over again. I don't love you now. you don't care so stop saying that you do. look at you. liar liar paints on fire. I can't wait to watch you burn. :)
you are a waste of good space.

the end is always near

I open my arms
and let it in.
I'm beneath it all
lower than ever before
only I know what is coming
you do not feel my heart
you only wished me away

the last days of me

i guess it's pretty simple
you make it pretty clear
cause we show what we feel
more than the words we say do
but
i've been having a hard time
since days before this
since before i could remember
i've been having a hard time
dealing with losing
the people i love so very much
watching the people i love
leave
me
not want me
not are
some were never there to begin with
and here i am again like feeling like a child
feeling like i'm not good enough
feeling love leave me again
feeling the cold air
feeling anything but love
not feeling loved
and all it does

is drive me down
to a place i hate to be
to a place that i can't get back from
not on my own
i never learned how to get back from there
not the right way.
i don't know what to do
now
that
i'm much older
now
 that i'm wanting
waiting
wishing
you were here the way you were before
wishing you were here
all i'm feeling right now is worthless
and less
and less
than
ever
before
hope
less
love
less
the end is feeling close
i can feel your cold
you have become a
stranger
uncomfortable
and unknown
and i
don't know why
i don't you
i just don't know
any
more
the end

this is not okay
i am not going to be okay

don't

i accept the hurt
i accept your lack
i accept how little you really care

this was not the time to do this

this is the one time i am not as strong
this is the one time i actually believed in love
this is the one time i don't care about fixing the break in me

i am disposable in your eyes
i am not given the extra love
or extra time and effort
you don't want to give me anything more
when you don't even know how desperately i need it
needed it
tonight i can't take any
more
too
much
i walk side by side with the ghosts of my life
only with the memories and the shadows of love
you let me die
you let me fade
you made me feel
the only fix
was for me to go away

a call at 3am is never good news

i'm not doing good.

my uncle died monday night

shot in the head

that's all we know really

and that's all i'm left with 

and it's left me feeling strange

i don't deal with death very well

especially under circumstances like that

there's this energy 

i feel

lately more than i have since i was little

and i don't know what to do with it

i don't know what to do with this 

but i know i have to do something

i know it's telling me something 

help me see 

what i need to see

and not fear 

what i find