love sick

i cannot shake
this
everything i do
everything i write
everywhere i turn
you
are there
and you won't go away
i'm sick
your love has made me sick
i hide behind the walls
inside darkness and memories
driving in my car
behind the walls of me
driving far from everything that reminds me of you
can't you see?
what you've done
what you're doing to me
i try
so hard
i try so so hard
to get rid of you
just to be okay
i try to be okay
but i am sick
in love
love sick from you

Don't Change by INXS

I'm standing here on the ground
The sky above won't fall down
See no evil in all direction
Resolution of happiness
Things have been dark
For too long

Don't change for you
Don't change a thing for me

I found a love I had lost
It was gone for too long
Hear no evil in all directions
Execution of bitterness
Message received loud and clear

Don't change for you
Don't change a thing for me

I'm standing here on the ground
The sky above won't fall down
See no evil in all directions
Resolution of happiness
Things have been dark for too long

Don't change for you
Don't change a thing for me

i know it's nowhere

i tell myself
don’t hang on
there’s nothing left there
when you’re not
and chasing the dragon (s)
all up in smoke
smoked up my head
i imagine something greater than
i think you (we) ever were
running down my soul
and the soles of my shoes
when i will be a fade away someday soon to you
with nothing said
the idea of you was always so much better
inside my head
-kyoko

the wasteland - by t.s. eliot

The Waste Land (1922)

April is the cruellest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.

The Burial of the Dead

Unreal City,

Under the brown fog of a winter dawn,

A crowd flowed over London Bridge, so many,

I had not thought death had undone so many.

Sighs, short and infrequent, were exhaled,

And each man fixed his eyes before his feet.

The Burial of the Dead

That corpse you planted last year in your garden,

Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?

Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?

The Burial of the Dead

There is shadow under this red rock

(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),

And I will show you something different from either

Your shadow at morning striding behind you

Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;

I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

The Burial of the Dead

Under the firelight, under the brush, her hair

Spread out in fiery points

Glowed into words, then would be savagely still.

A Game of Chess

The river's tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf

Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind

Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed.

Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song.

The Fire Sermon

The time is now propitious, as he guesses,

The meal is ended, she is bored and tired,

Endeavours to engage her in caresses

Which still are unreproved, if undesired.

Flushed and decided, he assaults at once;

Exploring hands encounter no defence;

His vanity requires no response,

And makes a welcome of indifference.

The Fire Sermon

If there were only water amongst the rock

Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit

Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit

There is not even silence in the mountains

But dry sterile thunder without rain

What the Thunder Said

Who is the third who walks always beside you

When I count, there are only you and I together

But when I look ahead up the white road

There is always another one walking beside you

What the Thunder Said

A woman drew her long black hair out tight

And fiddled whisper music on those strings

And bats with baby faces in the violet light

Whistled, and beat their wings

And crawled head downward down a blackened wall

And upside down in air were towers

Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours

And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.

What the Thunder Said

My friend, blood shaking my heart

The awful daring of a moment's surrender

Which an age of prudence can never retract

By this, and this only, we have existed

Which is not to be found in our obituaries

Or in memories draped by the beneficent spider

Or under seals broken by the lean solicitor

In our empty rooms

What the Thunder Said

I have heard the key

Turn in the door once and turn once only

We think of the key, each in his prison

Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison

What the Thunder Said

Hysteria, by T.S. Eliot

Hysteria, by T.S. Eliot

lovers almost done

there's one or two
or ten maybe
thirty-five
eighty-two
maybe less maybe more
names and faces
hearts and tongues
beds and limbs
sheets and lips
words and sweat
drinks and drugs
sounds and songs
tastes and smells
places and moments
men and women
most were music makers,
artists
performers
writers
wife beaters, women haters,women lovers, weirdos,
rockstars, wanna-be rockstars, haters,
bed wetters, addicts, dealers, daddys,  habitual liars,
mad men, handsome devils,
many devils
i was lost
and so were they
night after night
i would find myself in another strangers bed
and sometimes i'd really find myself for a moment
other times i would leave more lost than i was before i came
strangers turned lovers
lovers turned strangers
some don't turn at all-
- i need strangers and beds
right now
to fill my nights
to fill my fix
i am broken
badly
more lost now
than before


i am broken
badly broken
yearning for someone
love lost
me
lose me
tonight somewhere
i need to forget
all of it

for no one

pour my guts out
spill over my insides
bare all my sad self
i come out of hiding- my love - i was hiding
my love
and my sad self-
stayed hidden
my love STAYED hidden
under shades
under shadows
and a devil between us
we got the world between us
but the fear is what keeps me from reaching you
when i only want to be close to you but you keep me
a distance away.
i'm always outside knocking on your door
i'm always the one thing you ignore






there's never an answer
i get no reply
waited with love
for you
knocking
for no one
waiting for no one
no more

a not-so-great bucket list i got on facebook and decided to fill out

(x ) Gone on a blind date

(X) Skipped school

(x) Watched someone die

( ) Been to Canada

(X) Been to Mexico

( x) Been to Florida

( x) Been to Hawaii

( x) Been somewhere tropical

(X) Been on a plane

(x ) Been on a helicopter

(X) Been lost

( ) Gone to Washington, DC

(X) Swam in the ocean

(X) Cried yourself to sleep

(x) Played cops and robbers

(X) Recently colored with crayons

(X) Sang Karaoke

(X) Paid for a meal with coins only

( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.

(X) Made prank phone calls

( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere

() Made a snowman

() Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Danced in the rain

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunset with someone

(X) Blown bubbles

(X) Gone ice-skating

(X) Gone to the movies

(x ) Been deep sea fishing

(X) Driven across the United States

( x) Been in a hot air balloon

( ) Been sky diving

( ) Gone snowmobiling

(x ) Lived in more than one country

(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets

(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish

( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser

(x ) Seen the Statue of Liberty

(x ) Been on a cruise

(X) Traveled by train

(X) Traveled by motorcycle

(X) Been horse back riding

(X) Been to Disneyland --- or Disney World

(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer!!!!!

( ) Been in a rain forest

(X) Seen whales in the ocean

( ) Been to Niagara Falls

(X) Ridden on an elephant

( ) Swam with dolphins

( ) Been to the Olympics

( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China

( ) Been water-skiing

( ) Been snow-skiing

(x ) Been snorkeling

( ) Been to Westminster Abbey

( ) Swam in the Mediterranean

(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game

() Been to a National Football League game

(X) Thrown up after riding a roller coaster or other carnival ride

(X) Buried a pet

(x ) Auditioned for a television show

(X) Peed in the woods

( ) Visited the Taj Mahal

( ) Been to Iran

( ) Given birth

(x ) Rode the San Fransico trollies

( ) Walk on the bridge at Royal Gourge

(X) Been knocked out

(x ) Been to a National Hockey League game

( ) Been to Jamaica

(x ) Won a school spelling bee

(x ) Been on TV

( ) Hit a 'hole in one' in golf (not miniature)

(x ) Spoke with someone over 100 years old

( ) Been to all 50 states

(x ) Been to the top of the Empire State Building

() Fallen asleep in church

( ) Been to a World Series Game (Does not apply to Cub Fans)

( ) Been to a High School Football State Championship Game

(X) Wet your pants

(X) Lied to your mother

(x ) Rode the NYC Subway

( ) Been to Africa

( ) Ridden a gondola in Venice

(x ) Saw the Vegas lights from above

( ) Been to the Alps

( ) Saw the Grand Canyon

( )Got married

(x ) Saw a play on Broadway

(X) Been Tailgating

(x) Found the love of your life

( ) Been to a Bob Dylan Concert

(x ) gotten a tattoo that really meant something

( ) been to CREATION!

(X) Stood on top of a mountain

(X) Appeared in a play outside of school

( ) Been to a Championship Boxing Match

( )Been to see the Pope

( ) Swam with sea lions

() Been Zip-lining

( ) Met a President

(x ) Gone ATV riding

( ) Saw the Jackson Five in the 70's

(x ) Gone streaking

(X) Have a picture of self with a celebrity

( )Run or Walked a Marathon

( ) lived life in a wheel chair

(X)Cooked lunch (or dinner) for 50 or more people

( ) Been to Ireland

( ) Attended a pro rugby match

(X)Driven over 120mph on a freeway

(x ) Pole danced

(x ) Started Your Own Business
 
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_- 

the escape

oh boy
i do not miss you
when you say you miss me
but you don't miss me enough to understand
 you don't understand what it is that you do.
i loved you
i really loved you
but you don't know how it feels
you say you do
and act like you know
but i know that you don't because if you did
you wouldn't have left it this way.
you are not loyal and i am so broken
one more month
i am ready for my great escape.

go to hell before i do

i wanna kill myself
no i wanna kill you
no i wanna kill the part of me with you in it
no i wanna kill the part of you inside of me
whatever the fuck
i don't give a shit about who gets who
i just don't want you
making my heart feel the way it does
i wish i was dead

ha ha ha...  you little bitch...
die already


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