so I'm using this site again for a post or two.

critical self 

stop thinking 

stop drinking 

and sinking 

into doubt

I let it go here

there

and everywhere about

who am I?

I'm not who I've been told 

I'm not who others want me to be

I'm not what you see

I'm not anything like me

but I am

Go here

My new blog 

skin loves fever

child

hey child
it's time to say goodbye
to all that was
that is no longer
to all that's gone away
while the rest of has grown
a child you stay
you're much too old to stay this way

you can fight and fight
yourself and with time
but it's a fight you'll never win
and the more you fight
the less you begin
to live a happy life
it's wearing you thin

wearing you down
beating you up
taking all that you got
out for the kill
down with a shot
trying to hold on to something you're not
anymore

He told me "go write kyokie"

I am much to handle
When I need to bee handled
I am much to take in
But it's only cause you want to take me in
I'm a lot of things
That you can't understand right now
More like don't want to
But I love
And I love you
And you can have that also you in the face
Trip you up
Fuck up your world
But I need you to not ignore that
Cause
You're ignoring me
And you
And you know it

cleansing

old love
dead love
you don't care
how you are
or how you make me feel
you go out of your way
you say
the things that you can't ever take back
you go out of your way
to stay
as far away from me as you want
i do not want you
i do not care about you cause you are not my friend
or my love(r)
anymore
you don't even try to make it good or better
you allow things to go to shit
and you never show me love
to back up the meaningless words you say
- and i'm not mean
i'm honest
and calling you out on your bullshit
bullshit that falls from your mouth
like nothing
without thought or care or love
---
i'm angry cause you're such a disappointment
and i'm upset cause you wasted my time heart, love and care
if i knew you were a shitty person
and a shitty friend
i wouldn't have let you in to begin with
cause why should i care about you when you act the way you do to me
the hard part was holding on to something you are not now
the past you doesn't matter when the present you is shitty

i've been living life thinking that i loved you
but i don't love you now
and the new
is so much better
than any life involving you

there won't be any effort
to keep you around
cause i don't want to keep something that's just bad news.
no matter what you say
now or down the road
it doesn't matter anymore...
cause you don't matter anymore
the only reason i'm writing this is
for me
to dump
to let out
and let go
of anything having to do with you
i've let you weigh me down for much too long now
you are not going to change
you will never be any better
you will never be good for me or to me
who i thought you were and who i loved is not who you are now
you are not someone i want to love
you are gone
the idea of you is not you

it's a new day

It's better to burn out than fade away

I wish I could go back
But
At least
We can wipe the slate clean
And remember
This
Next time

No one knows

Unwanted
Lonely
Rejected
Judged
Not fitting in
Not belonging
I see the things I have
I love so much
But
Everything else
Is too much
Always been too much
I don't know what to do
I never did
And the less I know now
And the less you care
Who cares
Who really cares
I guess I did
But I know when it's time
For me to leave
This was not meant for someone like me